Miss December
A Forever Knight story
By Christine Hantzopulos Hunt
based on the characters created by James ParriottPlease send comments!!!! Erika1228@aol.com
Permission to be archived On Mel Moser's fkfanfic site. All others please ask permission.
{{{{{AUTHOR'S NOTE: The following story contains explicit Nick/Natalie sex written for the enjoyment of Nick, Natalie and NNPackers everywhere. If you are under 18 or might find this offensive, please do not read!!! This is my first attempt at an explicit story guys, so please be kind!! Dedicated to the people on Endless Knight, especially Mel, who inspired me with her great fiction. Great thanks to my beta readers, Pen, Wendy and
Deb!}}}}}}}}}}(Part 1/18)
Prologue…..
On a magical Night in Question.....He knew her.
Or, more precisely, his heart knew her.
He couldn't remember how they had first met, or the times they had spent together. But he knew that he loved her. That he had always loved her, more than seemed imaginable to love.
She loved him. He could see it when he looked into her eyes, the window to her soul, a soul that had joined with his long before their flesh had melded tonight. He could feel it in the hunger of her kiss, just as he could sense from the urgency of their lovemaking that this was something they had longed for...
He held her in his arms now, feeling a peace he hadn't known in centuries...
Centuries?
If only tonight could last forever.
Wasn't that a line from a song somewhere? Natalie wasn't sure, but then, she wasn't sure of anything anymore. Nothing was real, nothing mattered, but what was happening between them now.
She should have been afraid. But she hadn't been. Her love for him, her need to finally know what it was like to love him, and be loved by him, had superceded all else. He would never hurt her. She knew it in her heart. And though she had cautioned herself to go slowly with this all, the taste of his kiss, the sensation of being in his embrace, had thrown caution to the wind. Before she'd even realized what was happening, he'd carried her upstairs, laying her gently on the satin sheets...
They'd taken their time with each other, exploring, tasting, caressing, all as if in wonder. They'd touched as they'd never dared before, cherishing every moment of pleasure they could bring each other. And when their passion had erupted, it was the fulfillment of a yearning that had seemed eternal.
If only tonight could last forever.
She lay awake in his arms, wanting to relish this. She didn't want to think of what might happen should his memory come back. Would the knowledge of his true nature change what had happened between them? Or had his bout with amnesia proven that he could control the beast that had prevented them from being together?
Natalie wasn't sure. But she did know that now that they had made love, she couldn't bear to go back to the way things had been before.
A cool breeze chilled her bare skin, and she realized that Nick had opened the windows earlier to get fresh air. It occurred to her suddenly that she should make sure the blinds were shut tightly before morning. She slipped out of bed, putting on the robe she'd brought with her as she went to close the shades.
"Natalie?" he called sleepily. She turned to see him looking up at her in confusion. "Where are you going?"
She sat down on the bed facing him, and smiled. "Just to close the windows. It was getting a little chilly."
He smiled tenderly at her, and placed his hands on her arms. "I can keep you warm."
She reached down to kiss him, and he pulled her down on top of him, still kissing her deeply as he rolled her over on her side to lie facing him.
"I love you, Natalie," he said gently, caressing her cheek. "I don't know if this will sound strange, but even though I can't remember much about my life, I do know that I love you very much. That I have loved you for a very long time. More than I've ever loved anyone." He looked at her hesitantly, as if not sure that she would
believe him. "Have I ever told you that?"
His blue eyes were so sincere, so innocent of all that had burdened him before. "Yes," she assured him. "You did once." And she tried to keep the sadness from her eyes as she thought of that Valentine's Day, and the relationship that ended before it had even had a chance to blossom.
"Only once?" he asked in true disbelief. "But, why--?"
"Shhh," she said, placing her fingers over his lips. "It's okay, Nick. I've always known. And I've always loved you just as much."
He placed his hand over her fingers, kissing them, then holding her hand in his. She could see the lines of worry that had come to his face as he struggled to remember. "I don't understand, Natalie. This was our first time together. I know that. I could feel it. But even as we were making love, I knew that I've wanted to be with you for a very long time. Why haven't we been together before this?"
She wanted to look away from his gaze. She didn't want him to see the indecision in her eyes as the battle raged within her. She should tell him the truth. But what if doing so destroyed everything? His eyes were penetrating into her soul, and he knew that there was something she was keeping from him. "I told you..." she faltered. "Our relationship is very complicated..."
"And you won't tell me why?" he pressed.
She hesitated, and his face darkened as he asked, "Natalie, there isn't someone else in your life, is there?"
She shook her head, almost smiling at how far off and simplistic that was. "No, Nick," she promised him. "There isn't anyone but you. There never could be."
His entire body seemed to heave with his relief. "Okay, then, I don't see what could possibly--"
"Nick, please, just trust me. There are some things that you're better off not knowing right away. So much has happened since you lost your memory. So many changes. In you..." She paused, trying to push back the tears that were threatening to rise. "For us. I just don't... want it to end..."
Her voice broke off, and seeing that she was visibly upset, he backed off. "It's all right," he said, stroking her hair. "You don't have to tell me. But I want you to know something. Whatever it is--I'm not going to let it keep us from being together..."
"Oh, Nick," she sighed, wishing it could be true. But he couldn't possibly imagine the impediment that had kept them apart.
"Natalie, listen to me. Out of an entire lifetime of memories, the only thing that I remember for certain is loving you. Doesn't that mean something?"
"It means more than you know," she told him. It truly did, given all that had happened since she'd known him.
"Then maybe you should just trust me," he said, tilting her chin up towards him. His mouth found hers as his fingertips played at her neck, then moved down to the opening of her robe. "And maybe you should lose this," he whispered as his hand reached in to fondle her breast.
His touch sent a wave of arousal through her body. And once more, she pushed aside her fears of what might be, losing herself completely in his love...End part 1
(Part 2/18)
Weeks later...*He's with LaCroix.*
He hadn't hidden it from her. She was glad for that, at least. Deep inside, she knew that this was what he needed, that there were parts of his memory, of his life, that she could never fill in. *Most of it*, she thought grimly to herself. Yet while intellectually she accepted it, and superficially, for his sake, she condoned it, it tore her apart inside to think of it. For if the truth be known, there were parts of his past that she would rather he'd never remember.
She'd tried to shield him from it. For a brief time, she'd allowed herself to believe that the past could be erased as easily as his memories had been. Not knowing that he was a vampire, Nick had lived free, if only for a short time. Free of his guilt, his pain, his limitations...
...free to love her. Free to let her love him as she'd longed to for so long...
She could still close her eyes and feel the warmth of his kiss, imagine the scent of his skin, the thrill of having him hold her in his arms, as he'd filled her completely. His memories of her were gone, but his heart had known her, had reached instinctively out to her, his soul touching hers even as their bodies had become one. He'd
made love to her over and over that night, free of the beast that had always intruded upon their attempts at intimacy. And though his beast had returned even with his memory, she could not help but take hope in
what had happened.
He had made love to her! It was possible! He *could* control it.
Then why hadn't he touched her again since that night?
She'd tried to remain objective. He was afraid. Plain and simple. Of the vampire. Of LaCroix, perhaps? LaCroix had once learned of their love, and had nearly destroyed her, repayment of an eight-hundred year old debt. Yet surely LaCroix had known in the last few months that Nick's denial of his love for her had been a lie. And for some reason, she wasn't quite sure why, Nick had once more felt safe to be open about his feelings for her. So why would he fear LaCroix now? On the contrary, the two seemed closer than they had been in all
the time she'd known Nick. It was as if there were some kind of understanding between them...
Perhaps that was what she feared. Not that Nick would embrace the vampire again, but that he would resign to letting it rule his life. And that would mean a life in which she had no place.
Then, there was the deeper fear, the thought she hated herself for entertaining. What if Nick had made love to her out of need, frustration...what if he had mistaken the feelings he could barely remember for a love that wasn't really there?
She needed to know. She couldn't go on like this any more. Mere weeks had passed since that night, yet years had slipped away since she had fallen in love with him. She had to resolve this once and for all. Was there hope for them? Did he want it as much as she did? Or was she wasting her emotions, her dreams, her very life, on
someone who didn't love her?
The doorbell nearly made her jump out of her skin. He'd said he might stop by, but her ruminations had made her lose track of time. She glanced in the mirror, smoothing back her hair, then touching up her eyeliner, cursing silently at the small creases at the corners of her eyes. Stress...sleeplessness...time.
They were all catching up with her.
She opened the door, and he met her with the smile that always made her melt. Could he hear her heart quicken at the sight of him? He put his arms around her, the light kiss on her cheek lingering longer than usual. And as she wrapped her arms around his neck, she knew that she had pressed her body dangerously close to his, and held it there a moment more than she normally dared. But she needed to feel him against her. She needed him so badly.
He looked into her eyes once they'd separated, and she could feel the tears rising up as he asked with concern, "What is it, Nat? Are you all right?"
She nodded, unable to voice the lie aloud.
He seemed to regard her for a long moment, finally accepting that whatever it was she probably didn't want to talk about it. Or worse, maybe he knew damn well what it was, but was avoiding it himself. In any case, he pressed no further, as they both chose to lose themselves in an evening out, ignoring the obvious.They'd had dinner at a quiet restaurant, Nick skillfully pretending to eat the steak tartar. Nick had chosen the movie, a comedy that had brought her out of her doldrums. They'd wound up back at his apartment, opting for a video rather than letting the evening come to an end. He'd excused himself for a few minutes, and she knew that he was drinking blood. Yet knowing that he didn't want to do it in front of her was a start. He was beginning to try again, She realized that the blood was for her safety. He always drank it when he thought they might be close...
Maybe there was hope.He'd taken the bottle upstairs, out of her sight. He didn't want her to see him drinking blood. He was trying so desperately to get back on track, even choking down some dinner so that she wouldn't eat alone. The night had been wonderful so far...dinner and a movie with the most beautiful woman in the world. The woman he loved more than his own life. He had almost lost himself in the perfectly normal evening they'd had. How he wished he could just forget the beast that was lying in wait....What he wouldn't give to sweep Natalie into his arms and make love to her....
Even the memory of that one night brought the evil amber light to his eyes. The beast had been hidden then, forgotten. But now, it demanded the fulfillment it had been denied. It was all he could do to keep it at bay. For each time he looked at her, loving her, desiring her, the vampire threatened to emerge. His love for her, his
passion, fueled its hunger so, that his desire and the vampire's had become one.
So he drank the blood. To push it back. To suppress those urges. To steal what little intimacy with her that he dared...
...without risking her life.They sat together on the couch, both pretending to be paying more attention to the screen than to each other. But it was late now, and Natalie felt her eyes closing. His arm was around her, and she was lying in the crook of his arm. Unabashed, she let her head rest against his chest, taking in the scent of his cologne, slipping her hand around his waist. For a moment he seemed to stiffen, as if uncomfortable with the closeness. But she was too tired to care. And as he began to run his fingers through her hair, she relaxed, closing her eyes. This was heaven. If only she could fall asleep lying against him like this...
She had almost nodded off when she felt his hand move to her cheek, smoothing, caressing. She looked up to see that his gaze was definitely fixed on her, not the TV. For a long moment their eyes remained locked, and she knew she had been wrong. He did love her. There was no mistaking it. And as he lowered his lips to hers, her
doubts melted completely away.
His kiss was soft and sweet at first, but deepened with his confidence that he could. Natalie reveled in the taste of him, running her fingers through his hair as he pulled her closer. Suddenly, it was as if his passion were unleashed. He kissed her hungrily, even as his hands moved to her breasts. Before she knew it he had pushed aside her blouse, her bra, as his cool hands fondled her, delighting in the warmth of her flesh. His touch sent waves of arousal through her body. This was it. He was ready to try again...
"Oh, Nick..." she whispered as his lips left hers, moving downward. She cried out softly as his tongue reached her nipple, teasing it, before his mouth covered it, suckling, threatening to make her climax from this alone...
Suddenly Natalie found herself crying out, but this time in pain. Something had grazed the soft skin of her breast, something sharp...
Before she even realized what had happened, Nick had jumped up, distancing himself from her. As she looked into his hot golden eyes, and saw the expression of utter horror and self-hatred that had overcome him, she knew. She knew even before she looked down to see the tiny droplets of blood flowing from her flesh.
"My God, Nat, are you all right?" His voice was filled with pain, and was much lower than his own.
"I'm okay," she assured him quickly, closing her blouse so that he would not see the blood and be reminded of what he had done. She stood to face him. "It's all right, Nick. I'm fine..."
"Don't come any closer, Nat. Please," he begged, stepping away from her.
"Nick," she said in anguish. How could she comfort him when she couldn't even get near him?
"Are you sure you're all right?" he rasped, his voice filled with panic. "You're bleeding..."
"I'll be fine," she insisted. "What about you? What can I--?"
"Nothing," he said with more finality than she would have liked. "Nat, I need...to be alone..."
"I'm going upstairs," she told him firmly. She wouldn't leave him like this. Besides, she didn't even have her car, and it was the middle of the night. No matter how shaken he was, she knew that she was safe here. She had to convince him of that, and show him that she wasn't afraid.
He seemed to consider for a moment whether that would be sufficient, then nodded. She grabbed her bag and hurried upstairs.
In the bathroom, she examined the wound to her breast. His fangs had sunken into her flesh, but he'd stopped himself before he had fed from her. She shivered to think of what might have happened, but pushed the thought from her mind. He'd stopped himself in time. That was what she would have to make him focus on. He could control it. He had that night, hadn't he?
She lay down on his bed, exhausted. She would wait, and they would talk. They'd have to this time.
Downstairs, she could hear the refrigerator open and close, then silence, and then it would open again. She shuddered to think of how much blood he was drinking.
A crash. She could hear him cursing in French, hear him plop himself down on the couch.
She closed her eyes. Perhaps she should have been afraid that he could come through the door at any moment, and uncontrollably drain her of blood. But she knew him better than that. And she trusted him.
More than he trusted himself.
The refrigerator door opened again. A clink of glass.
Natalie willed herself to sleep. It would be a long night.End part 2
(Part 3/18)
He emptied the contents of the fourth bottle, drinking beyond his fill, to the point of feeling sick.
Never again.
Never again would he risk her life like that. He'd been a selfish fool. He'd wanted her so badly that he'd deluded himself into thinking that he could control the beast. But he'd failed. He and the vampire were one, their desires inextricably intertwined. The sooner he accepted that, the better.
The sooner Natalie could go on with her life.
It had to end, here and now. They couldn't go on pretending that if they forgot about the vampire it would go away...
Yet...he had once...he had forgotten about it.
And it had gone away. If only for one night.
Nick thought of that night, thought of her just minutes before, her softness, her scent, the taste of her lips...
The taste of her blood. How sweet, how precious it had been, just a few drops fulfilling him, completing him, as no other's blood ever had...
He grabbed another bottle, drinking down the swill that would never again satisfy him now that he had tasted her...then threw the bottle across the room, horrified by his own thoughts. He would never, could never, allow himself to even imagine what it would be like to taste her blood again....
Never again.She awoke hours later to feel his fingers lightly touching her cheek. She opened her eyes to find him sitting on the bed looking down at her, his face filled with pain.
"Natalie," he whispered. "I'm so...so sorry." He sounded as if he would cry.
"Nick, it's okay," she promised, sitting up to face him. "You barely broke the skin."
"But I did Nat.... And I tasted your blood. And now that I have-- " His voice broke off. "I don't think I can control myself."
"But you can," she said, taking his hand. "And the next time-"
"Nat," he broke in. "There won't...there can't...be a next time."
Her heart froze. She hadn't expected this at all. "Nick, you can't mean that..."
He looked down, unable to meet her eyes. "I do, Natalie. I can't risk your life like that again." He paused, his gaze coming up to meet hers, then affirmed resolutely, "I won't."
"Nick, listen to me," she said, clutching his hands. "We can be together. You know we can. We were. We can be again. All you need is to learn some control--"
"Damn it Natalie, I tried!" he cried, pulling his hands away from hers, as if the contact were too much for him right now.
"Not hard enough!" she replied hotly. Her panic over what he was saying had quickly turned to anger. "Don't you care? Can you really just walk away from this--from me--?"
"Natalie, of course I care," he said in a broken voice.
"So what are you going to do?! Just move on?! Call it quits for this life and move on to another?!"
For a moment he was speechless, and she feared that that was precisely what he planned to do. But finally, he whispered, "I don't know. I don't think--I'm ready for that. I hadn't even--" His voice trailed off, and she took brief comfort in the fact that leaving would be difficult for him.
Her voice softened, though she could hear her own tears threatening to break through as she boldly asked, "Nick--do you love me?"
His look betrayed his hurt. "Do you really have to ask?"
She nodded. "I've kept telling myself that you do, and yet I've never felt from you what I felt that night. It has nothing to do with the lovemaking, Nick," she explained quickly, as he opened his mouth to protest. "It's the feeling. You were so unafraid to show me how you felt...but the last few weeks...it's been as if nothing had
ever happened between us. It made me start to feel as if maybe the only reason you wanted me...was because you didn't have your memories. That whatever made you feel close to me wasn't really love, but--"
"Shhh." His fingers touched her lips lightly to silence her, and she was glad for it, for she hadn't known how much more she could say without breaking down. And that was the last thing she wanted to do. Only when he brought his lips to hers did she realize how much her own were trembling. She closed her eyes, letting him melt her doubts with his kiss, wanting him to. She fell against his chest, into his arms, as he whispered in her ear, "Natalie, of course I love you. More than any other woman in eight centuries. I swear to you. Please, never doubt that..."
For a long time he held her, but she knew that in his present state even this must be difficult. Reluctantly she separated from him.
"Nick, we know...we can be together. We were. We can be again..."
She could see in his eyes how much he wanted to believe it.
"I can be patient. We can take our time. I just--have to know that you want it as much as I do. "
"I do, Nat," he said softly. "And I'll try. I promise. " Once more, he drew her into his embrace, holding her tightly to him. For the first time in weeks, Natalie didn't question his devotion to her. And that alone, was a victory.Two months later....
Natalie closed her eyes in exhaustion, sinking down into her desk chair and resting her head for a moment on the report she'd just completed. It had been a long night, capped off with the latest victim of what was shaping up to be a serial killer. A young woman, her age, lay dead on a slab. What a waste of life.
She needed a drink. It wasn't often she felt this way, but lately everything was getting to her. The late hours. The more grisly murders. The passage of her own life.
Nick. He was the crux of her frustration, wasn't he? Despite his reaffirmation that he would try to overcome his fear of intimacy with her, their attempts were fewer and farther between. They'd made no progress. On the contrary, each aborted undertaking had done more to distance them from each other than bring them closer. The
frustration was taking a toll on both of them, to the point that they could barely enjoy each other's company without the constant pressure of their limitations. Even seeing him at work was stressful. For between them was always the unspoken, unfulfilled desire.
They couldn't go on like this. Something would have to give.
She looked up as she heard voices in the hall, knowing that Nick and his partner Tracy had come for the report. She was glad she'd fixed her makeup the last time she'd hit the ladies room. Cover up did wonders to hide the bags under her eyes. If she didn't feel good, she might as well look good....
Nick didn't look so well himself, she realized as he entered the room. His skin was paler than usual, and he too seemed to show his anxiety. What had ever brought them to this point? There had been a time when nothing but excitement had filled the air when they were together. Things had all been so uncomplicated back then...
"Hiya, Nat," he said with a weak smile.
"Hi," she said tentatively. She never knew how he would react to her. Would he keep it professional, as he often did, or try to steal a kiss, as he did from time to time? How were they behaving today?
He opted for the latter as she stood to meet them. He hadn't really hidden affection with her in front of Tracy. It wouldn't have worked anyway. Tracy had known that there was something going on between them from the very start. Natalie felt herself flush as his lips brushed lightly across her cheek. God, just being this close to him was difficult. She didn't want to think of how it must be for him.
"How's it going, Trace?" Natalie asked, trying to focus on something other than the way he was gazing at her.
"Great," she replied, with that perkiness that Natalie could find annoying at times. "In fact, I'm gonna leave Nick to take this report back to the Captain. I've got a--um, an appointment."
Natalie smiled at the young woman's obvious exuberance. "Sounds like a date to me," she teased. "Anyone we know?"
Only with Tracy's hesitation did she realize the obvious. "Uh, no, Nat. He's not from around here..."
Natalie shot a glance at Nick, and by the perturbed expression on his face, her suspicions were confirmed.
Tracy was going out with Vachon.
"Well, have a nice time," Natalie said with as much enthusiasm as she could muster. But if she'd seemed a bit taken aback, Tracy was too happy to notice. When she had gone, Natalie turned to Nick, her eyebrows raised. "Well, this is interesting." It was a topic too charged for her to say more.
But Nick was less reticent. Worry crossed his face as he complained, "I don't know what's wrong with him, taking a risk like this--"
Nick obviously didn't realize what dangerous ice he was treading. God, he could be as thick as a brick sometimes. "He would never hurt her. He obviously knows what he's doing," she replied evenly.
"No he doesn't, Nat. He's an irresponsible kid--"
She would have been amused if the topic didn't hit so close to home. "Nick, I don't know about the irresponsible part, but he's no kid. He's five hundred years old."
Nick shook his head, his brotherly concern for his young partner having come to a head until finally he could discuss it with someone. "No, Natalie, you don't know him. He's inexperienced--"
Yet it was so painfully clear that Nick was projecting his own fears and limitations on Vachon. And the fact that Vachon could so easily attempt a relationship with Tracy when Nick was finding it so difficult with her, was maddening. What secret did Vachon know that Nick did not? Or was there anything beyond self control? "Well, maybe Vachon is more experienced than you think," she said sharply.
She hadn't meant for it to come out as it did. Nick's blue eyes blazed suddenly with anger...and something more...
"Do you somehow know more about Vachon than I thought you did?" he asked suspiciously.
There was something she definitely did not like about his accusatory tone. "What the hell are you trying to say?" she countered.
"Oh, I don't know," he spat bitterly, his jealousy glaring at her. "Since I don't seem to be able to satisfy your needs, I just thought that maybe you'd found someone else who could."
She could feel her face burning with her rage. "How dare you!" she said, controlling every urge to slap him in the face.
"You're tired of waiting, Nat. Admit it," he challenged her.
"I'm tired of waiting, Nick. You're right," she responded, not failing to note the hurt in his eyes as she did admit it. "But you know about that, don't you? You're the one who used to go to Janette every time you were frustrated with our inability to have a relationship. But I'm not you, Nick. I've been faithful, which is much more than you can say!"
He was speechless. An issue so long unspoken between them, he seemed almost shocked that she had been aware all along.
"Did you think I was stupid, Nick? Did you think I didn't realize what was going on? Or did you think it didn't hurt me, just because I never told you that I knew all along how you were making a fool of me?" There were tears in her eyes now. She couldn't help it. This had been brewing inside her for too long. "The nerve of you to accuse me! The nerve!"
She could see that he was thoroughly shaken. His foolish comments had opened a can of worms he'd probably hoped would remain sealed forever. But she didn't care. He deserved this outburst. He should know the extent of what he had put her through all these years.
"Nat..." he managed.
"Don't," she told him. She was going to lose it any minute. It wouldn't be in front of him. "Just go."
"Natalie, please," he begged.
"Just go," she repeated, turning away from him.
Only when the door slammed shut behind him did she allow herself the luxury of a good long cry.End part 3
(Part 4/18)
If the sun had been out, Nick would have gladly embraced it once and for all. But it was dead of night, and short of throwing himself onto a stake or into a bonfire, there was little he could do to bring an end to his miserable life.
He'd really screwed up royally this time, hadn't he? He'd acted like a total jerk tonight, but that wasn't the half of it. Natalie had made it abundantly clear that this was only a drop in the bucket compared to the pain he had inflicted upon her over the last five years. She was right. God, she was right. He'd wronged her more than anyone deserved, hurt her more than he'd even realized. His heart ached to think of it. How had she stood by him all that time, through all his emotional abuse? As much as he loved her, he hated himself, for what he had put her through. For what he was doing to her still...
As he drowned himself in the first bottle of blood, he resolved that he would leave. It was the only way. He couldn't go on hurting her like this...
But with the second bottle, he realized what a coward he truly was. For he knew in his heart that he could not bear to be apart from her. For the first time in his life, in the many lives he had lived, leaving was not an option...
With the third bottle he considered the other option. He could walk into the morning sun. End it all that way. Set her free. But again, his cowardice prevented him. An eternal life without her, or an eternity in hell without her--each held its own form of damnation. And what would it do to Natalie, to know that he had ended his life
because of her? He couldn't bring that kind of suffering and guilt upon her.
The fourth bottle brought no enlightenment. But once he had drunk the last of it, he knew that right now, he needed to be with her.
In the past, he had let days go by uneasily before an argument was resolved. He couldn't do that to her now. He owed it to her to ease her pain. Even if he could never make up for all the unhappiness he had caused her. He had to try. He had to.
With only an hour left to dawn, he cleaned himself up, brushed the telltale taste of blood from his mouth, and set out to find the biggest bouquet of roses he could buy.Sleep would not come. She prayed for it to rescue her from her fatigue, steal her away from the despair of her waking hours. But it denied her the respite she so desperately craved. Her heart would not stop pounding, as her mind replayed the scene over and over again.
She'd laid into him as she never had before. In a way, it had been a catharsis. Words left unsaid, feelings suppressed, had finally burst forth. And it felt good. There was nothing left in the shadows of their relationship. Everything, for better or worse, had been brought to the forefront. Somehow, having let him know the pain he had
caused her, had finally begun to heal the wounds that had been open for years. It was healthy, she knew.
Then why was she miserable?
He was as frustrated as she. He was suffering. He hadn't meant to hurt her tonight, to accuse her. She knew that. But it had all been so ludicrous, given his behavior in the past. To have endured it all, to have been loyal to him despite everything, and then be accused of betrayal...
She'd lost it. And for that she was sorry. Yet she knew that he could go for days without coming to her, drowning himself in his own pain, in the blood...
That was an image she didn't want to conjure either.
Suddenly, to her surprise, the doorbell rang. She knew it had to be him. She threw on a robe, not caring at this point that her makeup had most likely run off with her tears. She needed to be with him. And if he really was here to make an effort...
He looked so dejected as she saw his face through the peephole. She opened the door, surprised when he pulled a huge bouquet of red roses from behind his back. The significance of their color wasn't lost on her. Red. Love.
"Natalie, could I please come in?" he asked, his expression betraying the fear that she would reject him.
No apology notes, as in the past. No cocky confidence that she would forgive him. His eyes smiled with the slightest ray of hope as she nodded for him to enter.
Still holding the roses as if for support, he said, "Nat, tonight, I acted like--" He couldn't even seem to find a word strong enough.
"An asshole?" she suggested. There was the slightest glint of understanding in her eyes, and he caught it with relief.
He nodded. "Yeah, that about sums it up." He set the roses down and put his hands on her arms. "Nat, I'm so sorry. For tonight. For everything. If I had known how much pain I would cause you five years ago, I would have run out of that morgue before you could have even seen me."
She sighed. "It would have made my life a hell of a lot easier," she mused, then looked into his eyes. "But then I never would have known what it's like to feel this way about someone. I don't think I could have ever loved anyone like I love you," she whispered.
His eyes searched hers, taking in her forgiveness, her love. Yet with anguish he said softly, "I've hurt you so much..." It was as if he were only now realizing it.
She wouldn't deny it. She couldn't. But she knew she was at fault, too. "I never said anything about Janette...because I was afraid that if it came out into the open, then you would back away from me completely. I kept hoping that someday we would find a way to be together..."
"I know. God, I'm so sorry...." It was as if he couldn't stop saying it.
"I've hurt you too, Nick," she admitted. "With my expectations. Trying to change you--"
He shook his head, a wan smile only now coming to his lips. "Natalie, you saved my soul. You gave me a tangible goal, a reason to fight to come back over. Don't you know that I never really tried before, no matter how much I ever fooled myself into believing that I had. Because there was nothing to fight for...no one there...pushing
me, helping me...Everything I've become, all the good in me...I owe to you...." The agony tinged his expression once more. "But all I repaid you in was betrayal. Abuse. Unhappiness..." There were blood tears in his eyes now, and she reached up to kiss them away. He closed his eyes, taking in the warmth of her touch. Slowly, she kissed her way to his lips. This time, it was he who trembled at her touch, as if he were utterly overwhelmed by her capacity to love him despite everything.
Natalie kissed him deeply, hungrily, no longer caring what the consequences. For the first time in years she felt nothing standing in their way, no barrier of lies or misunderstanding, no unspoken doubts. For once, she knew what she meant to him, and believed in him with all of her heart.
"I love you so much," he whispered between kisses. "I wanted to leave...but I couldn't..."
"I wouldn't have let you," she said tenderly.
He kissed her until the amber light invaded his eyes, and his fangs dropped. Even then, he refused to let go of her, hugging her to him. "Help me, Nat. Help me find a way to control it," he pleaded.
"You can," she told him, looking unafraid into the golden flecks that made his eyes glow at her. "It's all in your mind--"
He breathed deeply. "I'm a vampire, Natalie," he said needlessly, his exasperation evident. "That's not in my head."
"But your limitations are," she told him. "It's true that when you lost your memory you couldn't go out in the sun. Some things are purely physical. But you ate food and didn't get sick. You made love to me and didn't--"
Her voice trailed off. The close call of two months ago still weighed heavily upon him. She reached up to touch his face. "You're just afraid, Nick. But some things are within your power to control. You just have to let go of the fear...."
His glowing eyes were filled with such despair, such doubt. But as he closed them, he seemed to be willing the vampire away, as if to prove to himself, to her, that he could do it. When he looked at her once more, his eyes shone their brilliant blue.
He smiled at her without fangs, then kissed her passionately.
It was a beginning.End part 4
------------------------------------------------------------------
(Part 5/18)
Nick could swear that his heart had taken an extra beat as Natalie had asked him to come in after he'd driven her home. He'd taken her hand as she'd stepped from the Caddy, relishing the contact Her warmth flowed into him, even as he gazed at her beauty in the moonlight. He wanted to kiss her right then and there. Did he dare?
He hadn't even realized that he'd stopped walking, and as she looked at him questioningly, he reached up to take her face in his hands, kissing her gently on the lips. The electricity that had flowed between them in the last half hour intensified as their lips met. She tasted so good to him....
"Um, Nick," she said playfully, pulling away from him. "I really don't want to give my nosey neighbors too much of a show."
"Okay, okay," he relented, smiling down at her. He put his arm around her as they walked inside.
"Let me just check the mail," she said.
He sighed impatiently like a teenager on a first date. In a way, that's how he felt. Despite the new closeness that had seemed to grow between them in the last few weeks, their work schedules hadn't really allowed them much time alone. Who was he kidding? It was he who had avoided those precarious situations that might lead to a fiasco like that night when he'd lost control. He'd been tender with her, affectionate, making sure that he never shut her out as in the past. But he knew that he required time to regain the self-discipline that he would need if he were to ever be intimate with her again.
Only in the past few days had he begun to feel prepared to try once more. Perhaps it was the fact that he'd taken to drinking blood again regularly. They'd agreed that that might be the only way for him to control his hunger, yet doing it made him feel guilty as hell. It was a setback of sorts. But at this point in his life, being with Natalie was the goal that took precedent above all others. If drinking his fill would keep her safe, he would do it.
He watched her as she turned the key in the lock to open her apartment door. She was so beautiful. He'd fought the urge at work today to run his fingers through her hair, held himself back when he'd wanted to take her in his arms. The feelings were nothing new; he'd wanted her for so long, longer than she could even imagine. He'd
wanted her that night they'd met, when she'd awakened in him the mortal desires that had lain buried within him. Yet now, now that he'd tasted her blood, it was all so much more intense. For with those few droplets of her precious life force, he'd known her completely. He'd taken in her love, her goodness, and they'd become a part of him. She was a part of him. And though he would rather die than take her blood again, his need for her, his need to be close to her, was overwhelming.
Perhaps that too was why he had avoided being alone with her.
Yet here they were in her apartment. It thrilled him. It aroused him.
It terrified him.
"Make yourself comfortable," she said as she browsed through her mail. "I just need to--"
Her face paled visibly as she stared at the envelope in her hand.
"What is it, Nat?" he asked, coming over to her, his sudden concern for her pushing those other thoughts from his mind.
She sighed deeply, handing him the contents of the envelope wordlessly as she plopped down on the couch. She'd barely skimmed it, but obviously had read enough.
An inner envelope read, "Dr. Natalie Lambert and Guest". Inside was an invitation to a wedding.
Her sister-in-law Sarah was remarrying.
In his mind played the scene of three years ago, when Natalie had begged him to bring across her brother Richard, who lay dying of a gunshot wound. It had gone against his grain, yet he'd done it for her. He couldn't bear to see her suffer. He couldn't deny her the one request, the only request, she had ever made of him. But the results had been disastrous. Richard had become a horrific, vengeful beast, who'd had to be destroyed. Sarah, of course, had no recollection of it. Nick had seen to that. But Natalie still carried the painful memory-- and the guilt of her part in it all.
He sat beside her, slipping his arm over her shoulders. "I'm sorry, Nat. I know this must be very difficult."
"I knew it was coming," she said absently, staring at the invitation in his hand. "I just didn't want to think about it."
"You can't blame her for wanting to go on with her life," he said, though the words held more meaning for him than she could ever understand.
"Yeah, well, Sarah will have a new husband, and Amy will have a new father--but I'll never replace my brother. I guess I'm happy for them...but it hurts to think that he's just been forgotten like that."
"It's been three years, Nat. That's a long time--" His voice trailed off. Somehow it seemed ludicrous for him to be saying this.
But her expression told him that she understood what he meant. "Yeah, I know. I can't blame Sarah. She's been with this guy for a year. There's no reason really to wait. She told me that she wants to have more children, and she's already thirty-three, the same age as--"
She stopped mid-sentence, looking quickly away from him in embarrassment, catching herself before she could admit that she understood the proverbial ticking of the biological clock that Sarah must be feeling. A pang of guilt went through Nick's heart as he was struck for the umpteenth time with the enormity of the sacrifices that
Natalie had made, and might yet make, to be with him.
"Nat..." he said softly, touching her cheek, and bringing her to face him again.
"I'm sorry, I was just thinking out loud..."
He kissed her lightly on the cheek. "Oh, Nat," he sighed in her ear. "When I think of the normal life that you could have had if you and I had never---"
"Stop it. Don't even say it," she said, looking into his eyes. She tried to smile as she said, "You talk as if you think that if we hadn't met I'd be married with four kids by now."
"Do you ever think about having a baby?" he asked. He didn't know why he was torturing himself with this impossibility, but he had to know.
She breathed deeply. "I'd be lying if I said I hadn't." She paused, the light of her usual optimism coming back to her eyes. "But there's still time. Someday, after we find a cure..."
It touched him deeply that her only thoughts about having a child had been with an assumption that it would be theirs. He caressed her hair. "Nothing would make me happier," he said, his voice filled
with emotion.
But as her face clouded over he could only wonder what dark thought had intruded upon her hopefulness. "What is it?"
She looked down. "When I think about getting older, it's not the fact that I might not have a baby that worries me. It's--" She hesitated, as if unsure to follow this line of conversation.
"What?" he pressed gently.
"It's nothing, let's just forget about this--" She stood, but he was at her side at vampiric speed.
He turned her to face him. "Tell me."
Her face was crimson, and he knew this was difficult for her. But the last few weeks had brought a new air of openness to their relationship. Finally she relented. "I just...worry that if we don't find a cure while I'm still young, that pretty soon...I mean, look at you, you don't age, and if I do--"
"It won't matter," he said in no uncertain terms. There was no way he could possibly express how trivial it would be to him without sounding cliché.
"But--"
"It won't matter." He repeated it firmly as he took her into his arms. "Do you think a few gray hairs and wrinkles would make you any less beautiful to me?"
She smiled slightly at his effort to make her feel better, but admitted, "I can't help but worry about it sometimes."
"Just as I can't help but worry that you'll get tired of waiting," he replied. "Don't you think that I'm afraid about losing you to someone else?" It wasn't an admission his pride would generally allow him to make, but he needed her to see that she wasn't the only one suffering from insecurity.
She laced her fingers around his neck. "It's not going to happen," she assured him, her large blue eyes gazing into his. Did she know what it did to him when she looked at him like that?
He smiled. "So...I guess this means you'll take me as your date to the wedding?" he asked sheepishly. "Unless, of course you had someone else in mind--"
She smiled brightly. "No. No one else," she said as he brought his lips down upon hers.
At that moment, he felt such love for her that he could barely breathe. He could not imagine what he had done to deserve her. And though he had managed to keep in check the overwhelming passion which begged to be fulfilled, right now his need to reassure her of his eternal devotion was overriding all restraint. He kissed her hungrily, his tongue teasing hers, his hands gently but firmly pushing aside silk to reach the silkiness of her bare breasts. Her heart was pounding in his head, as his preternatural senses drank in every taste, every touch, every scent of her. It was exhilarating, intoxicating. Even as he delighted to feel her nipples harden quickly at his touch, he could feel his own arousal straining to reach her. Her hands ran through his hair, making him shiver with excitement as she guided his kisses downward. His mouth tasted every inch of her, as his nostrils were filled with the sweet perfume of...
...her blood. It assaulted him all at once, as his eyes began to burn with less human desires. In horror he let go of her, opening his mouth in a mournful gasp as his fangs broke through...
"Nick..." she cried in despair. He could barely hear her over the pounding of her heart, quickened now not by passion, but by fear, he was certain. How foolish he had been! How utterly reckless to have let it come this close to...
He turned away from her in shame, taking a deep breath to will the vampire back into the recesses of his psyche. Why was it taking so long? Why couldn't he...?
"Nick," she broke into his thoughts again, though this time he could feel her closer.
"Nat, don't look at me," he moaned. "Stay away. Please--" He couldn't face her now. Not after he'd almost...
For a moment she seemed to comply with his wishes, but suddenly she was touching him on the arm. "Nat, I said--"
"Here. Drink," she ordered him. He turned in surprise to see the bottle she was holding, green glass filled with the familiar liquid which was the bane of his existence. It was the bottle he had left here long ago in case of an emergency. He hadn't wanted her to see him do this, but at the moment he had no choice. Tentatively, he took it from her; then, as instinct took over, he ripped out the cork, drinking thirstily until he could feel the heat leave his eyes and his mouth return to normal.
With a clear head, he could see that she was looking at him not with disgust, but concern. "Are you okay now?" she asked gently.
He nodded, too overwhelmed by emotion to speak. She wrapped her arms around him, and, knowing that it was now safe, he held her tightly for what seemed an eternity. Finally, he whispered, "I'm sorry." He should make a recording of it, he thought dully.
"There's nothing to be sorry about," she promised him.
"I almost--" He couldn't even say it aloud.
"But you didn't," she reminded him.
That didn't lessen the severity of what had happened, what had almost happened. He'd risked her life again, after swearing that he wouldn't. "I thought I could control it, Nat," he said softly. "But I couldn't. Ever since I tasted your blood..." His voice was choked with tears. Even saying it out loud filled him with such guilt and fear..."I have...I have to go."
He separated from her, but she held him back. "Please, Nick, don't leave like this. You've had the blood. You'll be all right now. We won't try anything, but just please spend the day here..."
He couldn't understand the emotion behind her insistence. Didn't he repulse her? Wasn't she afraid?
"I can't, Nat. I--" Why did he even need to explain?
She looked into his eyes, pleading with him as he had rarely, if ever, seen her do. "I need you here. Please." She'd measured each word, and it pained him to deny her. He knew that she would not insist unless she really did need him. But his shame over what he had nearly done to her, and his fear that it might happen again, would not permit him to stay, no matter how much she wanted him to.
No matter how much he wanted to.
"I can't," he said with finality. "I'm sorry."
Her face became an emotionless mask. She had bared her needs to him, and he had denied her. He knew she was hurt. He knew he was shutting her out once more. But he had to. For his sanity. For her life.
With all the restraint he could muster, he reached up to caress her hair, kissing her ever so lightly on the lips.
Her face remained unchanged. She said nothing.
But the pain that he knew he had left her with this time would haunt him over the next few weeks.
End part 5---------------------------------------------------------------------
(Part 6/18)
It had been a quiet night in Toronto, and for the first time that Natalie could remember, her work had finished long before her shift. She knew she could have taken advantage of the rare opportunity to go home early--nearly everyone else had. But her sense of responsibility, and her reluctance to be alone at home had begged her to stick it out in the office. Out of sheer boredom, she'd undertaken a task more difficult than any autopsy could ever be--
cleaning out her desk. It wasn't something she enjoyed doing--but it was better to keep her mind occupied.
That had been her goal over the last three weeks: do anything to keep from thinking of him. For whenever her mind was idle, and quite often while she was trying to concentrate on something else, her thoughts would slip back to Nick, and the last night they had been together.
At first, she had been angry. It had been a rough night for her to begin with, what with news of her sister-in-law's marriage, and contemplation over her own life and the time that she might be losing by not having a child. Nick's inability to be intimate with her without the blood lust had only added to her despair. She'd needed him that night, even if just to keep her company, to hold her hand, or let her know with one of his warm hugs that he loved her. The sex hadn't been important. Having him there had been. It had been one of the rare times that she'd asked anything of him, putting her needs ahead of his own. But once more, he had denied her. She knew that with his fill of blood there had been no danger to her. It was only his despair and irrational fear that had sent him packing. For that, she had been furious.
But as days had passed without hearing from him, her anger had abated. She hadn't heard from him at all during that first week, and for the first time in five years, she'd chosen not to approach him. Her own pride and self-respect had demanded she wait. She'd known that he was at work, and was all right. So she'd waited, until that night two weeks ago when his flowers had arrived.
Two dozen red roses, with a note that had read:
"Dear Natalie,
"I can't express to you how sorry I am for the pain that I
have brought you. Please know that I love you very much, and it is
only my own shame for what nearly happened, and my fear of what might
happen again, that has kept me from you. I hope that you will
understand, and can forgive me.
"I need time, Nat. Time to gain control of myself, and know
that being with you will not endanger you in any way. Until then,
please believe me that not a moment passes that I am not thinking of
you, and wishing that we could be together.
"I love you. Forever yours,
"Nick."She'd cried herself to sleep that night, wanting desperately to call him, needing to speak to him. But something had told her that it would only make things worse. He would come to her when he was ready. And she would have to wait.
Wait she had, for two weeks now. The depression that had overtaken her was so unbearable that she'd even considered seeking out medication to make the pain go away. But she knew that nothing would make her feel better than to see him again.
Lately, she'd begun to wonder if she ever would.
In her desk, she found her notebook with notes on his condition and her efforts to cure it. She wondered dully if maybe their relationship hadn't been the thing that had slowed his progress. She'd never seen him drink so much blood as he had in trying to be intimate with her. Yet she held firm in her belief that they could be together. They had been, that one night when he'd forgotten what he was. If only he could trust in himself, as she trusted him, she knew that he could control it. If only she could convince him...
Wearily, she put her head down on the desk, wishing that every time she closed her eyes she didn't see him.
The swish of the door told her that someone had entered her office, and as she looked up she blinked her eyes to convince herself that she hadn't fallen asleep, and that this wasn't a dream.
"Hi, Nat." His brow was creased with anguish, his face paler than she had seen him in months. But he looked so good to her. It was all she could do to keep from running over to him in relief.
She stood abruptly, but as he made no move towards her, she held herself back. "How are you?" she asked quietly.
"Okay," he said nodding, then took a few steps closer. "I came...I had to come...to see if you were all right."
"Three weeks later?" she asked with more bitterness than she'd intended.
"I'm sorry--"
"Sorry? Do you think that covers it?" she asked in a hushed whisper. She'd been desperate to see him, but now that he was here, the anger and despair that had been building was threatening to erupt, no matter how hard she was trying to control it. She didn't want to push him away, but she was too exhausted, too defeated at this point, to care. "Didn't you even wonder...even care...if I was all right? Or were you just too busy feeling sorry for yourself?"
"I couldn't come near you, Nat. Even now, being this close to you..." He looked at her desperately. "Of course I worried, of course I care. A dozen times I watched you from a distance to make sure that you were okay, or came to your door, but at the last minute didn't have the nerve to knock..."
She didn't know if she should be glad that he had checked up on her, or furious that he had spied on her. "So you were watching me, just to ease your own concern, while I was going out of my mind. That's just great." She didn't want the tears to come to her eyes, but she could feel them there nevertheless. "I needed you, Nick--"
"I couldn't take a chance--"
"I'm not talking about being intimate," she told him. "I would have been happy just to sit and watch a video, like we used to, or just to have you hold me..." Her voice was breaking apart along with her own self-control. Why couldn't he understand? Why didn't he just-?
He did. He stepped towards her suddenly, taking her into his arms, hugging her tightly as she fell apart in his arms. She hadn't wanted to do this. But she needed him so desperately, had missed him so much....
"I'm so sorry, Nat," he whispered, his own voice cracked with emotion. "I'm so sorry..."
For a long time they held each other. God, it felt so good just to be in his arms, to lie her head against his chest, to feel his light kisses on her hair...
When she felt that she could control herself, she reluctantly separated from him. She'd felt his body begin to tense, and knew that this was difficult for him.
"We used to be close like this all the time, Nick. Please, help me to understand why this is so hard for you now..."
He shook his head. "I don't know. The nearest I can figure is that it has to do with having tasted--"
"My blood?" she asked when he hesitated.
He nodded. "Before that, I could separate my feelings for you, my desire for you, from the vampire. But now, every time I'm near you, every time I think of making love to you...."
"We don't have to make love," she told him. "Not until you're ready. Not until you're cured if that's what you want--"
"It's beyond that, Nat," he tried to explain. "Every time I'm close to you, I'm afraid--"
"But that's the problem, Nick, you're afraid. This isn't a physiological response, like your photosensitivity. It's a conditioned response, like getting sick when you try to eat food."
"I don't follow you," he admitted, although she could see that he was intrigued.
"When you didn't have your memory, you couldn't go out into the sun--but other things you could do. You ate without getting sick." She paused. "You made love to me, over and over again, without ever
needing blood."
She could see in his eyes that he was remembering it now, that he had thought about it as much as she. "I know. I wish...I wish I could forget again. .."
"You don't have to lose your memory, Nick," she told him. "All you have to do is remember that you could do it once before...and have enough faith in yourself to know that you didn't hurt me then, and you wouldn't hurt me now ..."
He sighed deeply as he considered her words. "Nat, I wish that I could believe it were that easy--"
"I never said it would be easy," she put in quickly.
"And if you're wrong? Natalie, I can't take a chance like that with your life--"
She breathed deeply. "Then don't. Not until you feel ready. But Nick, that doesn't have to mean that we can't spend time together." She paused. "Unless, of course, you've changed your mind about wanting this." She wanted to clarify, 'About wanting me', but held her tongue.
He shook his head vigorously. "No, Natalie. I do want you. I want a life with you more than anything. " He raised a hand to caress her cheek as he looked into her eyes. "More than becoming mortal."
She didn't even want to think of the enormity of what he was saying. But she knew that he was being genuine. Just as she knew more than ever that she was right about this all. "Then trust me, Nick," she said, putting her hand over his. "Don't shut me out again."
"I won't--"
"You promised before you wouldn't, but that's exactly what you did," she broke in, chastising a little more than she'd wanted to. Her voice softened, dropping the accusatory tone. "Nick, I just can't handle this emotional roller coaster," she admitted. "Being so close...and then--"
His face darkened. "I know," he said guiltily. "I don't mean to be so unfair to you, Natalie. I'm just...terrified...of hurting you. Of losing you." She could see the fright in his eyes, just as she had the times he had lost control.
"I know," she said softly. "But I also know that you wouldn't hurt me. Even when you did start to lose control--you stopped, Nick. Don't forget that."
He nodded, though she could see that in the larger scheme of things, that didn't comfort him much. "I just...need to distance myself from you a little. Until I feel strong enough to control it."
This wasn't what she wanted to hear. But she'd tried her best to convince him otherwise.
"I don't mean completely," he quickly added, seeing the disappointment in her eyes. "Not like I did the last three weeks. I just need time to be sure that you're right about this, before I get too close to you, before we're alone..."
She found it hard to believe that after all the time they had spent alone together in the past five years, his self-control had eroded so. But she couldn't fight anymore. She didn't have the strength.
"Do what you have to do, then," she said emotionlessly. She didn't want to be cold, but she'd bared enough of her raw emotions to him already.
She could see in his expression that he didn't like the sudden turn the conversation had taken either. But it was his choice. There was nothing she could do about it.
Sudden tension had dropped over them, and for a long moment neither of them said anything. Finally she spoke. "Look, Nick, I don't know if you remembered, but this Sunday is the wedding. I just want you to know that you don't have to feel obligated to go with me. I understand."
"Oh, uh, no, Nat," he fumbled over his words, "I'd still like to take you. That is, if you, uh, want me to. Unless you--"
She shook her head. "No, it's okay. If you don't mind going."
He looked into her eyes with the pain of knowing that he had erected this wall between them once more. "Of course I don't mind," he said tenderly. "I really want to." He hesitated, then added, "I want to be there for you."
Perhaps it was a feeble attempt, but she accepted it. "Okay, then. Thanks."
Natalie was both relieved and disappointed at once when the door opened to admit Tracy Vetter. The young officer could see that she had interrupted something, and at once seemed as if she would retreat. Natalie quickly greeted her with as much enthusiasm as she could muster, and Nick followed her lead.
"Sorry, just came by to get the report on the Silverstein autopsy," she said apologetically.
"Just a minute, I'll find it for you," Natalie said trying to rummage through the junk she had pulled out of her desk drawer.
To her chagrin, Nick took the opportunity to say, "I'd better be headed out."
Natalie stopped to look at him, but said nothing.
Nick bent over to give her a quick kiss on the cheek. "I'll see you Sunday," he said.
She tried not to think about the fact that it was only Tuesday.End part 6
IMPORTANT NOTE: Will be followed by part 6A---------------------------------------------------------------------
(Part 6A/18)
(Sorry this is so short--it's to prevent breaking up the next scene to
post)He cursed himself silently for his cowardly exit. But then, he'd been the coward for the last three weeks, hadn't he? Staying away from her, indulging his own shame and self-pity, when she had needed him.
But the panic he felt every time he was near her, the terror that he might hurt her again, had been crippling. Could Natalie be right? Was self-control really within his grasp, if he could overcome the fear?
If only it could be so! But if it weren't, if he were take the risk and not be able to stop himself in time...
He thought back to the night when there had been no fear. With eight hundred years of memories gone, all that had remained was his love for her. Perhaps that was all that he had wanted to remember. And he had wanted her from the moment he had seen her, had known somehow that he had always wanted her. Their lovemaking had been exquisite. He had kissed every inch of her flesh, cherished her as he knew he had no other woman. He had found a haven in her warmth, security in her love. They'd made love over and over, and each time his passion had erupted within her, he'd found an ecstasy greater than he had ever known. With his enhanced memory, he could feel even now the joy of being inside her, see the look of ecstasy on her face as he'd pleasured her, taste her skin, smell the musky scent of her arousal...
Nick was glad he was sitting alone in his car, as he looked down to see what he had already known was there. In his pants, his erection strained against the tightness of his jeans, almost painfully so. But as he looked in the rearview mirror, he affirmed with disbelief the reaction that he had miraculously not felt.
His eyes were still blue. His teeth were still normal.
His arousal had not brought the vampire to the surface.
He stared at his reflection for a long moment, then smiled.
Maybe Nat was right after all...End part 6A
(Part 7/18) (Note--this follows part 6A)
Natalie stared after him for a long moment, then looked away as she realized that Tracy was watching her. "Here's the report," she said, spotting it and handing it over, trying to sound nonchalant.
"Natalie, I'm really sorry," Tracy said confidentially. "I know I interrupted something between you and Nick--"
Natalie was about to deny it, but what was the point? "It's...it's okay," she replied. She was too frustrated with the constant ups and downs to even try to hide it. "Nothing that would have gotten resolved anyway," she mumbled.
"Natalie, if it means anything to you, Nick has been an emotional mess for the past three weeks or so. I know that whatever it is that's going on, it's really bothering him."
Natalie sighed. It didn't really help to know that he was miserable too.
"Is there...anything I can do?" the young woman offered awkwardly.
She shook her head. "But thanks. I appreciate your trying to help. It's just something he and I have to work out."
Tracy was silent for a long moment, and Natalie realized there was much more on the young woman's mind.
"Are you...okay?" she asked with concern.
Tracy merely sank into a chair and said, "I guess relationships can really suck."
Natalie looked at her curiously. "What is it, Trace? Having problems with your new boyfriend?"
"Oh, I don't know," she said uncomfortably. "It's just that...things aren't going exactly as I expected they would."
Natalie could identify with that one. It suddenly struck her as terribly sad that Tracy could no more confide in Natalie her problems with Vachon, than Natalie could reveal her difficulties with Nick. For a long time Natalie had dealt with the loneliness of not being able to discuss Nick even with her closest friends. Tracy was only just beginning to realize how difficult a relationship with a vampire could be. Natalie wished she could offer some advice, some sympathy. But nothing, not even her desire to offer support to Tracy, would allow her to betray Nick's secret.
"There are always obstacles in any relationship," was the generic comment she came up with.
"And limits?" Tracy asked.
Natalie looked away. That would be too close to an admission. "I suppose."
"That's the problem, right now," Tracy told her. "For certain reasons that I'd rather not talk about...we're kind of at a standstill."
Natalie glanced up at her. Tracy was still talking only of Vachon, and had no clue about Nick. It still amazed her. But at least she could speak to Tracy without fear of tipping her hand. "Well, that's the problem with Nick. He's afraid to take the relationship any further..."
"He seems like the type to be scared of commitment. Although most guys his age have gotten over that by now," Tracy commented.
Natalie found it suddenly funny that Tracy had interpreted what she'd said as Nick's fear of commitment, but figured it was just as well. "Well, if that's your boyfriend's problem too, then it only makes sense. He must be younger than Nick, isn't he?" She said it with such a straight face. But after all, it was true, wasn't it? By at
least three hundred years...
Tracy looked jarred for a moment, but then said, "No, it's not that--" Obviously realizing she could explain no further, she turned the conversation back to Nick and Natalie. "You know, I think I know just the thing that might give Nick a little push. That's all he needs, you know. The guy is madly in love with you." Natalie grew crimson, though she was amused that it was that obvious, as Tracy confided, "Partners know these things. The way he looks at you, the way he talks about you--the guy is hooked."
"Okay," Natalie said, playing along. "What would you suggest to give him a little push, as you say?"
"Make him jealous," Tracy told her in no uncertain terms.
Natalie frowned. "What do you mean, like go out with someone else? I don't think--"
"Nick is very jealous, and very possessive. Believe me. I've seen it."
There was no denying that. "But Tracy, I'm not going to date another guy just to make him jealous." What she didn't say aloud was, 'I'm too old for those games, kid.'
"You don't have to actually go out with someone--" Tracy began.
"Forget it," Natalie told her.
"But Nat--"
"No." She was getting annoyed now, not at Tracy as much as at herself, for indulging the fantasy that maybe Nick's partner could suggest some way to motivate him. But Tracy didn't even have a clue that Nick was a vampire! How could she possibly have any insight that could help their situation?
"Sorry," Tracy said humbly, and Natalie looked up at her, her features softening.
"No, I'm sorry, Trace. I know you're only trying to help. But I don't think that's the way to go with Nick. Our--problems--are a lot more complicated." She breathed deeply, looking down at today's unsorted mail on her desk, and starting to go through it. "Whatever will be will be," she mumbled, although she was sure Tracy had never even heard of Doris Day.
"Okay, I'll shut up," Tracy said, watching as she threw out junk mail.
Suddenly a bright envelope caught Natalie's eye. It was addressed to her, but the return label read--
--"Canadian Playboy? What the hell is this?"
"Oh, you got one too," Tracy said with a light laugh. "It's the silliest thing. They must have sent it to every woman above eighteen in Canada."
Natalie needed a good laugh. Inside the envelope was an invitation to compete in the porn magazine's "Miss December-- Professional Woman" contest. "'Just send in your portfolio,'" she read. "'One lucky woman in Canada will be chosen to be Miss December--Portrait of a Professional Woman.'" She looked up at Tracy. "Professional what?" she quipped with a laugh.
"Keep reading," Tracy said, looking over her shoulder. "They're looking for lawyers, doctors, police officers--"
"Oh, your father would love that," Natalie kidded her, then read on. "Miss December will receive an all-expense paid trip to Vancouver for her centerfold shoot, a $5,000 shopping spree..." Natalie's voice began to slow down as she read more intently, "'and $30,000?'" Her eyes opened wide. "Are they serious? I could pay off my credit cards with that!"
Tracy giggled. "Considering it, Nat?"
"Oh yeah," she replied sarcastically. "In a minute. " She laughed whimsically. "Yeah, I bet that would sure turn Nick's head." She chuckled at the thought as she put the ad to the side. But as she looked up at Tracy, the young woman's eyes were opened wide.
"Natalie, that's it!"
"What's it?"
"The contest! That would be the thing to convince Nick--"
"Convince him of what? That I'm having a nervous breakdown?"
"No! Convince him that he has to shit or get off the pot. Make some kind of move--"
Natalie didn't know whether to laugh at Tracy or prescribe her medication. "Get out of here, Trace! There's no way in hell I'd ever pose for one of those things--" She paused thoughtfully. "Not that I couldn't use the thirty thousand bucks and a shopping spree..." She pushed the momentary bout with insanity from her head. "This is
ridiculous. You can't be serious! You don't actually think I'd--?"
"No, of course not! You don't have to actually send the pictures in--"
"What pictures?! Do you think I have a portfolio of nude photos hanging around my apartment?" She picked up the ad and shoved it in Tracy's face. "Did you read what they want? 'Action shots'. Pictures of--"
"Natalie, listen to me," Tracy said very calmly and deliberately. "You don't have to even take any photos. But what if Nick thought you were going to? That you were going to let some stranger take nude shots of you to enter in this contest?"
"He'd never believe it, Tracy! He knows me too well!"
"But he's not himself right now. He's been very uptight, and I think he's awfully insecure--"
"Look. Tracy, that may be true, but what do you want me to do, push him over the edge?"
"Kind of. But not in a bad way. Just give him a push..."
"The jealousy angle again?" she asked dubiously.
"Yes," Tracy told her with what Natalie would swear was an evil gleam in her eye. "And I know just the guy to help us."
Natalie had the horrible feeling that she was in the middle of an I Love Lucy episode. But not even Lucy and Ethel had ever plotted something so devious.
"Just indulge me, Nat. Listen."
Natalie rolled her eyes. "Okay, okay. Who?"
"Tom Connor."
Natalie's mouth opened wide. "Detective Tom Connor? The new guy who thinks he's Don Johnson?"
"He's an old friend of mine from college."
"He's not! Don't even tell me you went out with him. That guy is the biggest flirt--"
"And the biggest player. Yeah, I know. But he and I were just friends. "She paused. "I was a little sister at his Frat."
Natalie's jaw dropped. "You're kidding."
"No, really. We really got to be good buddies, and I even put in a good word for him with my father. So he owes me one."
"Okay, I understand that, but why him?"
"Three reasons. One: he's an amateur photographer."
"He is?"
"Sure. It was his minor in college. It's a perfectly believable story Nat, that he would offer to do the shots for you."
Natalie was unconvinced, but had nothing better to do at the moment than humor Tracy. "Give me the other two reasons."
"Okay, two: He can't stand Nick."
"Why not?" she asked, suddenly defensive.
"He thinks that Nick is conceited and arrogant." Natalie frowned, and Tracy added, "Oh, you know that Nick can be if he wants to. In any case, Tom would love to play a practical joke on him."
It sounded too mean. But Tracy had her curiosity. "Okay, and number three?"
"Tom had a really big crush on you, and Nick knows it."
The first part was news. "I don't think you'd call it a crush. He just used to hit on me every time he came in to pick up a report. One day Nick saw him do it, and strolled right over to me, kissed me long and hard on the lips, and then kept his arm around me until Connor was done with his business. That was that."
Tracy giggled. "I know. I heard that story from both of them."
"Are you serious?"
"Nick was fit to be tied, and cursing him out the whole way back to the precinct."
Natalie smiled at that. It had actually been funny at the time. "And what did you friend Connor think about it?"
Tracy hesitated. "Well, actually, he was just kind of surprised. Before that he'd thought that Nick was gay."
Natalie had to hold back her peals of laughter. This whole thing was just too funny. "So now, you want me to tell Nick that Tom Connor is going to shoot pictures of me in the nude--"
"No, I'll arrange for him to overhear it," Tracy broke in.
"--and you expect him to believe it?"
"Why not? Natalie, jealousy can make a man go insane. He'll realize that he has to take a stand, and make some kind of commitment to you. For one thing, he'll most likely refuse to let you have Connor take the pictures. So you have to be very nonchalant about it. Let him know you have every intention of entering that contest."
"And then what?"
"You want an educated guess?"
"Oh, please, enlighten me, O Wise One," Natalie teased.
"Nick will offer to take them himself."
Natalie shifted uncomfortably. It all seemed so ridiculous, and she was angry at herself for even considering how titillating that sounded. "This whole thing is way too kinky for me."
"He'll believe it, Nat," Tracy pressed.
"He'll think I'm crazy."
"He'll get off on it.."
Natalie had no response for that.
"Natalie, let me just talk to Tom."
Jealousy. She'd seen it work on Nick before, even when she had not done it intentionally. Roger Jameson. Tom Connor.
Even her comments about Vachon had sparked a violently jealous reaction.
But could she deliberately deceive him with this twisted plot of Tracy's?
"I don't think so, Trace. I don't want to do that to him. He'll come around in his own time. I just have to be patient."
"Okay," Tracy relented, visibly disappointed.
"It was a brilliant plot, though," she told her with admiration.
Tracy smiled, and Natalie thought she could see the smallest amount of satisfaction, as if Tracy thought she were on the verge of giving in....
But Natalie would do as she said, and let Nick come around in his own time.
For now.
When Tracy left, she went to throw the envelope from Canadian Playboy into the trash, where it belonged...
...but for some reason put it in her pocketbook instead.end part 7
**************************************************
(Part 8/18)Natalie had thought he would spend the next few days incommunicado once more, but by Wednesday night he'd called just to say hello. Then, on Thursday, he'd asked her to come with him shopping for a tux to wear to the wedding. Natalie had found it hard to believe that he had nothing in his huge stores of clothes, but he'd joked that the last formal affair he'd attended had been over a hundred years ago.
Shopping with him was always fun; it wasn't often she picked out clothes without looking at the price tag. But Nick had gotten into the spirit of it all, and they'd finally found him an Armani tux that made him look absolutely gorgeous. She'd gone out the next day herself, looking for something just as elegant. She'd finally found it--long black silk, with just the right touch of sequins, sexy but in a classy sort of way. It killed her to spend four hundred dollars for one night, but it wasn't often that she and Nick played dress-up. In the back of her mind, the $5,000 shopping spree lurked, taunting her... She looked at herself in the mirror now, her perfectly coifed hair, manicured nails, and the makeup that she'd worked on for a half hour. She slipped on the dress, new black silk heels that were probably an inch too high to be comfortable, and she was ready, just as the doorbell rang.
He looked like a prince in a story book, and as his eyes took her in, he smiled at what he saw. Good. It was worth the hundreds of dollars and the day at the beauty salon. This was the way to get his attention. Not through some silly deception...
"Nat...you look so beautiful," he said softly.
"You're looking pretty handsome yourself," she replied with a smile, accepting his kiss, then laughed lightly as their lips separated. "Except for the lipstick," she said, wiping her own spiced rose from his lips.
"Oh, sorry," he faltered, as if afraid he had messed her up.
"Don't be," she said, and kissed him again, this time lingering a bit longer. He looked too stunned to move as she pulled away, and as she reached up to wipe the lipstick off him again, he snatched her hand and kissed it.
"If we don't leave now, we're going to be late for the wedding," he said finally with a twinkle in his eyes. "And I really would hate missing the chance to show you off."
He took her hand to lead her away, and Natalie could scarcely breathe, knowing that tonight would be very special.Luckily, Sarah and her fiancé, Peter, were exchanging their vows at the same country club on the outskirts of town where the reception was to be held, so the issue of entering a church had never been a problem. Nick was relieved for that. Even as the ceremony got under way, he had seen the sadness come to Natalie's eyes as she thought of her brother Richard, and how this man was stepping into his family's lives. Nick was glad to be there for her, and had slipped his arm around her shoulders from the very start. He wouldn't let her sorrow ruin the evening for her.
Or for them. He had a feeling about tonight. He'd spent days mentally preparing himself for the temptation that the evening would bring. It had paid off. Looking at her now, she was absolutely breathtaking. He wanted nothing more than to taste her lips, run his hands over her full breasts, lose himself in her flesh, in her warmth.
Yet even as he thought of those things, the vampire seemed light years away. Could it be possible? Could he isolate the very human arousal he was feeling from the evil urges that always seemed to intrude upon them?
"Having a good time?" she asked, drawing him from his fantasy.
He smiled warmly at her. "I'd have a better time if we were dancing..." he hinted, then wrinkled his brow as he listened to the music. "Although I don't really know how to do the Macarena. Think we could wait for a slow dance?"
She laughed and promised him that the next dance was his.
That, he knew, would be the real test.It hadn't been as bad as she'd thought.
Of course, Richie was never far from her mind. She remembered his wedding as if it were yesterday, as she told Nick about the awful pink taffeta dress she'd had to wear. He'd made her promise to dig up a picture, saying that he was sure she'd looked beautiful. They'd laughed and joked all night, forgetting their own problems, forgetting that they were anything but a normal couple at a wedding reception. Nick had even tried to choke down a few bites of the rare Filet Mignon. It was all for her sake, she knew. He'd known that it would be a difficult evening for her, and was doing his best to make sure she had a good time. And she loved him all the more for his efforts.
"Go on, Nat," he urged as the band leader called for the single women to try to catch the bouquet.
"Uh, no thanks," she said, refusing to get up. She'd tried for too many bouquets in her lifetime. "Besides, I caught Sarah's last bouquet twelve years ago, and it didn't do me much good."
Nick reached over to kiss her on the cheek, saying in her ear, "That's my good fortune."
She wasn't sure if it was his words or the sensation of his warm breath so close to her skin, but Natalie could feel her entire body flush. He nuzzled at her ear a few more moments before stealing a kiss on the lips. Oh God, if only they weren't in a room of a hundred people...
They looked as the room cheered, to see that Amy had caught the bouquet. "I can't believe how big she's grown," Natalie commented to Nick. "If only Richie--and my parents--could see her..."
"What is she now, thirteen?" he asked. She nodded. "I really wonder how she's adjusting to all this. I haven't talked to her in so long."
"Well, now's your chance," Nick told her. "She's coming over." He stood up. "I'm going to take a walk onto the balcony over there, and give you two some time alone."
She smiled her thanks at him as Amy came over to give her a big hug. "Aunt Nat, I caught it! Did you see?"
"I sure did, sweetie," she told her, motioning for her to sit down. "You look just beautiful."
"Thanks. So do you, Aunt Nat. And your boyfriend is really really cute."
Natalie knew she blushed at her reference to Nick as her boyfriend. But that was what he was, wasn't he? Sort of? "You really think so?"
The girl nodded. "He's really hot."
"Yeah, I think so too," she told her niece. "Tell me, Amy. Do you like Peter? Is he nice to you?" Somehow she felt it her duty to her brother to make sure.
Amy smiled broadly. "Yeah, he's really nice. I like him a lot--" Suddenly her face grew serious, taking on an almost guilty expression. "Aunt Nat, can I ask you something? Just between us?"
"Of course you can," she promised, hoping that she would never lose her close relationship with Richard's daughter.
"Do you think Daddy would be upset with me for liking Peter so much?"
Natalie really hoped that she hadn't contributed, even involuntarily, to Amy's guilt. For though it gave her comfort to know that Richie hadn't totally been forgotten, perhaps at this moment she truly did accept that both Amy and Sarah had to go on with their lives. "No, Amy," she assured her. "Your Daddy loved you--and your Mom--more than anyone in the world. And he would want you to be happy. If that means having a new Dad..."
"I'll never stop loving Daddy," Amy told her with wide eyes.
"I know. None of us will. But it's okay if you love your step-dad too. Really."
Amy seemed visibly relieved, and it warmed Natalie's heart to have brought her niece piece of mind. She gave her a hug.
"Thanks, Aunt Natalie. I love you."
"I love you too, Sweetie," she said. "Just promise me that you'll call me or come to see me if you ever want to talk."
"I will. If you promise me something, too."
"What is it?" she asked curiously.
Amy looked around as if to see that no one was listening, then asked, "Can I be one of your bridesmaids when you and Nick get married?"
Natalie grinned. The way things were going tonight, she could almost imagine that it might happen someday. "You'll be my maid of honor," she promised.
"Really?"
"Really," she said, then added cautiously, "if it ever happens."
"Oh, it'll happen. He's really in love with you. I can tell."
Amy kissed her on the cheek and flitted off to the dance floor, leaving Natalie to wonder if it was really that obvious to the whole world.
The man in question was alone on the balcony, taking in the cool night air, and as she stepped out to meet him, he opened his arms to her.
Natalie laced her fingers around his neck. "It's a little chilly out here."
"That's okay. I'll keep you warm." His lips did just the trick, tasting hers ever so gently. He paused to look into her eyes, his own blue eyes drinking her in.
Blue eyes. He was testing himself, his control. She would let him take the lead, take it as far as he could. Pushing it might mean frightening him off again.
"So, what were you two conspiring about?" he asked, rubbing her arms to warm them.
"Oh, just talking about Richard... And Peter."
His face betrayed his real concern for her. "Are you okay with all this?"
She nodded to reassure him. "I am now. Thanks for...being here with me, Nick. I couldn't have gone through tonight alone."
He brushed his lips against her cheek. "I don't want you to ever go through anything alone again." He nuzzled at her, planting light kisses on her neck, then pulling away again as he seemed to fight to maintain his control.
She could see the internal struggle raging, and tried to lighten his anxiety. "Oh, and she did have a few things to say about you, too."
"Such as?" he asked, bemused.
"She thinks you're really cute...and, I think 'hot' was the word she used."
"And what did you say?" he asked, sure that she could see a hint of embarrassment cross his face.
"I agreed," she admitted, playing with his hair. "Oh, and she did ask if she could be a bridesmaid if we ever get married..." She stopped suddenly. She'd meant it lightheartedly, but regretted the words as soon as they'd come out of her mouth. At once mortified by how presumptuous she must have sounded, she faltered, "That was purely, a, uh, hypothetical kind of thing, of course, like 'someday if'..."
But Nick's adoring gaze told her she had nothing to be ashamed of. He brought his hand to her cheek. "Someday 'when'," he corrected. "And that's funny...because I've been thinking all night what a beautiful bride you're going to be."
He'd done it again, melting her with his words, his eyes. The band started to play a slow Bryan Adams song, and she reminded him softly, "I think you owe me a dance..."
He nodded slowly, but as she took his hand to lead him inside, he held her back. "No. Right here."
It was too romantic, too perfect, to argue. Even the chill of the night air seemed to disappear in the warmth of his arms as he slipped them around her waist, drawing her near. Natalie held him close, closing her eyes as she rested against his chest, letting him lead her back and forth to the sway of the music. She could feel his light kisses on her hair, and as she looked up to see him smiling down at her, she dared what she hadn't yet tonight, bringing her lips to his. His kiss was tentative at first, as if he were still afraid of what might happen. But she knew in her heart that this was right, and that nothing would intrude upon this moment. Nick seemed to know it too, for the dance suddenly lost priority to this exquisite kiss. Hungrily he tasted her, with an abandon she hadn't felt from him in so long. His tongue found hers, as his hands began their own exploration, cupping her bottom through the light silk of her dress. She could feel his arousal growing against her even before he pulled her to him. Could he feel her dampness as he pressed into her? Did he know how much she wanted him?
He'd brought her around so that she was backed against the balcony, support enough so that he could move his hands upward once more without stopping that wonderful sensation as his now-full erection strained against the barrier of fabric to gain entry into her warmth. His roving fingers teased the low neckline of her dress before one hand slipped easily in to grasp the fullness of her breast. A rush of electricity seemed to flow through her as he took her nipple between his thumb and forefinger, rubbing it into a hard, erect nub. She kissed him hard as he fondled her, running her hands through his hair, as her lower body moved shamelessly against his hardness, in rhythmic motion. How easy it would be to let him penetrate her right here, right now...Just the thought made her rub harder against him, faster, the fire between her legs flaring, the need for him overwhelming....
In an instant the heat reached its peak, then slowly abated in a warm rush of fulfillment. She hadn't even realized that she'd softly cried out until he wrapped his arms around her and held her as she caught her breath. For a moment she was terribly embarrassed at her own brazen passion, but as she looked up at him he was smiling at her with that adoring smile. "Wow," she said simply.
He caressed her cheek. "I think it's time we left."End part 8
(Part 9/16)
He thought about it all the way back to her apartment. The taste of her lips, the softness of her breasts, the moist warmth that begged him to join with her--the quickening of her breath, the soft sigh as she'd climaxed. Holding her, wanting more than anything to be inside her...
...the frustration of knowing that he couldn't. Nick didn't even allow himself to think of the time he had been. His erection was almost painful, even now. As she led him inside, he knew that she hoped they would continue what they had started on the balcony. It would be so easy, wouldn't it? To give in now to the passion that had been building between them all night.
No. Not easy at all. For even as he had held her in the wake of her orgasm, he had felt the beast lying in wait for the moment he would lose control...
He hadn't. Not then. But now, as he began to kiss her once more, he wasn't so sure of himself. It had been hours since he'd fed, and he could hear the pounding of her heart, catch the soft scent of her blood as it intermingled with the enticing aroma of her arousal....
He pulled away from her, suddenly afraid. She must have seen his fear, for she reached up to caress his cheek. "Nick, it's okay. Nothing is going to happen."
"I'm not so sure of that, Nat," he breathed as he placed his hand over hers.
"I am," she told him, looking into his eyes with certainty. "Nick, after what happened before--"
"Nat, I can't--"
"But you were aroused, we were so close, and the vampire didn't come out..."
"It will," he said dismally. "It always does."
"Not always," she reminded him, but that didn't count as far as he was concerned. Perhaps the amnesia had repressed the beast within him. But now, it was revived, ever-vigilant, ever-waiting...
He squeezed her hand before letting it go, and stepping away. "I have to go," he said with difficulty. How he hated to see the disappointment in her eyes, the frustration that mirrored his own. "Nat, at least...I was able to make you feel good..." he offered weakly. At least he had given her that.
She took a deep breath. "Nick, it was wonderful...But don't you see it's not the same? That I want to make you feel good too. I want to be with you..."
His heart and his body ached at her words. But the fear that gripped him was more powerful than his desire. "We can't, Natalie," he said finally.
He could see the anger that touched her eyes as she said, "Okay, then. I promised myself I wouldn't push you. I just thought that since everything seemed so good between us all night--" She cut herself off, and he sensed that she was embarrassed now by what had happened, and by her efforts to push for something more.
He mentally struggled to repress everything but his love for her as he took her into his arms for what would be the last time that evening. "Oh, Nat," he sighed as he hugged her to him. "Please be patient with me. If only you knew how magical this whole evening has been for me. I just can't let go of this panic I feel every time it starts coming to the surface. I love you too much. I can't risk..."
"Shhhhhh," she said, looking up at him with reddened eyes. "It's okay," she said in a broken voice.
He could taste the tears on her face as he kissed her one last time. And as he left her behind, he cursed himself once more, wondering just how long she would endure the constant frustration and pain of loving him. For the fear of losing her had become almost as great as the fear of risking her life.end part 9
(Part 10/16)
Tracy Vetter had never been a good liar.
But the way her partner had been moping around for the past three days, she was sure she could pull the wool over his eyes just this once. She knew that his depression had something to do with Natalie. The Coroner had seemed just as preoccupied as he. When Tracy had asked her how the wedding had gone, she'd gotten a misty look in her eyes as she'd said that they'd had a great time. But apparently whatever problems Nick was having committing to her had gotten in the way again.
Nick was a good guy, but he could be thick as a brick sometimes. He and Nat were the perfect couple. What was his problem? Whatever it was, it couldn't possibly be as complicated as her own difficulties with Vachon. What would Natalie say if she had to deal with a vampire who was afraid to make love to her because he might rip her throat out? Now that was a real problem.
Tracy wasn't quite sure how to deal with her situation, but by comparison, Nick's immaturity and inability to commit seemed a piece of cake to resolve. Maybe if she helped these two get together, it would keep her mind off her own relationship. Besides, he was her partner. It was her duty to give him a good swift kick in the butt when he needed it.
It had all been planned out so perfectly. Tom was always up for a good practical joke, and considering what a tight ass he thought Nick was, he was only too pleased to help out. Tracy had explained that these two really loved each other, but Nick just needed a little push to either shit or get off the pot. Tom liked Natalie. Although he
thought she could do a lot better, he agreed to help out. His only reservation was the fact that Tracy had decided to pull this all off behind Natalie's back...
"Okay, I'm going in first," she whispered to Tom.
"You're talking like you're going after a perp," Connor laughed. "Relax. I know what to do."
Tracy frowned for a moment, not quite sure now if she was doing the right thing. Suppose Nick got really angry? "Remember, Tom," she told her friend. "I want him to be jealous. I don't want you to really piss him off."
"Come on Trace, lemme just have some fun with him. What's he gonna do, kill me?"
Tracy's eyebrows furrowed in anxiety. You never could know with Nick. She'd seen him get pretty violent... "Just, be easy on him. Give him something to think about, but don't say anything that might make him get mad at Nat--"
"Don't worry. I told you, I know what to do."
For a moment Tracy reconsidered the whole thing. But if worse came to worse, she would just admit to Nick what she had done. The worst that would happen would be that he would be pissed at her. But it wouldn't hurt things between him and Natalie. It might even help.
"Okay. Just wait a couple minutes, then come in."
She walked into the room, plopping herself down at her desk, facing a brooding Nick as he seemed to be trying to concentrate on some paperwork.
"Hiya, Nick," she said tentatively, feeling like she was disturbing his thoughts.
He looked up at her and forced a smile, then frowned.
"You're not your usual perky self. Are you all right?" he asked curiously.
"Uh, yeah," she said, not too convincingly. "How 'bout you?"
"Fine." He was lying through his teeth. He looked at her strangely. "Okay, out with it. What's going on?"
Her already pale skin blanched as she stammered, "Nothing...why?" Where the hell was Connor?
Nick's mouth opened to speak, when a loud voice boomed from behind them.
"Tell us, Trace! What is it, are you getting ready to send in your portfolio?"
They turned as one to see the owner of the voice.
Tom Connor. Tracy could just see Nick's dislike for the man whom he treated politely only out of respect for her friendship with him. It had all started that day when Tom had dared flirt with Natalie. Nick had despised him ever since. Men! What silly rivalries and grudges they held onto. Tom hadn't been seriously interested in her; he was just a flirt. And when he'd realized that he was intruding on Nick's territory, he'd backed off. But Nick had never forgotten about it.
Nick had no idea what Connor was talking about, but seemed to find it amusing as she pretended to squirm at him words. "What portfolio is this, Tracy?" he asked.
"For the Canadian Playboy contest," Connor told him, as his partner walked up to join in on the fun.
"Canadian Playboy?" Nick enunciated, turning to Tracy with a broad grin. "Been moonlighting, Trace? Have you got some secret life you want to tell your partner about?"
"Not at all," Tracy responded, giving her friend Tom an evil look. "I told you I'm not interested."
"What's the matter, Trace?" Connor teased. "You don't want to be 'Miss December--Professional Woman?"
"I don't think Daddy would like that too much," joked Jeff Garner, Connor's older partner. "Come on Tracy, you can't say you couldn't use the thirty thousand bucks--"
Nick raised an eyebrow. "Thirty thousand? What's this all about?"
"It's a contest," Garner told him, handing him over the ad in the latest issue of Canadian Playboy. "They're looking for some ordinary, every day professional woman to be their Miss December. Tracy here got a personal invitation."
Nick's eyes lingered on the nude form on the page--what a typical man!--then looked at her. "Invitation?" he asked with amusement.
"They sent out invitations to half the women in Toronto," she told him. "All my friends--"
"Yeah, " piped in Riley, the desk sergeant. "My girlfriend got one of those, too." Tracy tried not to laugh aloud. This couldn't possibly go more smoothly if she had asked Riley and Garner to play along. Oh well, put a bunch of men together with a dirty magazine and a raunchy conversation...
Nick folded his arms, seeming to enjoy every moment of this. "So, you're sure you're not gonna do it? Thirty thousand dollars, Trace, and your face...among other things...in one of Canada's top publications?"
"I told her she should," Connor said.
"Yeah, and I bet you offered to take the pictures for her portfolio, too," his partner chided him.
"Why not? You know I minored in photography in college--"
Nick shook his head and went back to his paperwork.
"You know," she said, "I think Natalie got one of these too."
She could see Nick stiffen ever so slightly. But he didn't look up. If he had, he would have seen that the three men had all noticed his reaction with amusement. Was there anyone who didn't know how he felt about the Medical Examiner?
"I think she should go for it," Connor said, taking her lead.
Nick refused to look up, but she could see that he was fuming.
Garner had noticed it too, and though he had no idea that this whole thing had been staged, he was enjoying Nick's reaction. "Yeah, she's got a great set of legs. Ever see her in that mini skirt?"
Nick slammed the papers down on his desk without looking at them, then picked them up to head for the file cabinet. Riley looked as if he would burst out laughing. "Yeah, she's got a great bod. Not to mention some head of hair..."
"Yeah, I wonder if that's her natural color?" Connor asked in an innocent voice, though Tracy shook her head at him. A little too raunchy.
The file drawer slammed shut. Nick sat back down at his desk, opening another file. Tracy glanced at Tom, wondering what he would say next.
"What about that great pair of--"
Tracy nearly gasped aloud as she shot him an ice cold warning glare. "--eyes," he finished innocuously, giving her a little smile as if to say, 'Gotcha, didn't I?'
Nick was squirming in his seat, but said nothing.
"Well, I don't think Nat would do it either," she told Tom, and Nick seemed to relax as she spoke what he would have said.
"I dunno, Trace, I talked to her about it yesterday, and even offered to take the pictures--"
"You did?" Garner asked in amusement, not knowing if this was still meant to kid their fellow officer, or if it were for real. "What did she say?"
Nick was trying desperately to keep his cool, but she knew that Connor was getting to him. His knuckles were white as his hand clenched in a fist. In alarm she realized that maybe this was going too far. But how to tell Tom?
"She didn't say no," Connor responded with meaning.
Tracy tried to catch his eyes, but he was enjoying the game too much. So was Garner, who glanced at Nick as he said, "Aren't you in luck..."
Riley chuckled.
"Hey, it's just a professional job, guys. I'm not gonna do anything but take pictures." He paused. "That is, not unless she wants it."
Tracy's heart flew into her mouth at the moment that Nick snapped. Before she could even hold him back he'd jumped from his chair, throwing it back as he nearly flew across the desk at Tom Connor.
"What the hell are you talking about?" he growled in a voice lower than his own. Tracy had never seen him so furious. The rage seemed to glow in his eyes as he grabbed Connor by the jacket.
"Nick, stop it," she cried, pulling him back.
In anger he obeyed, dropping his hold on Connor as the men looked at him in shock. It had all been in good fun as far as they were concerned. Seeing his rage, they realized they had overstepped the boundary between jest and insult. Riley and Garner backed off. But Connor glared at him, about to speak.
"Tom, no," she pleaded. This was all her fault. How much worse could things have gone!?
In an instant she knew, as an unwitting Natalie entered the room. Even Connor was embarrassed as they all realized how close she had come to hearing how they were speaking of her. Connor decided it wasn't worth it to take on Nick, at least not at the moment, and nodded a reassurance to Tracy as he left the room, Garner and Riley following with their tails between their legs. The entire room had heard the chiding that had turned sour, and they all now purposely found something else to do as Natalie walked over to Nick and Tracy.
Natalie looked around quizzically. The room had taken on a sudden quiet. "Did I miss something?" she asked.
Tracy looked down in mortification as Nick grabbed Natalie by the arm and dragged her towards one of the interrogation rooms.
This wasn't what she had planned.End part 10
(Part 11/18)
Natalie hadn't been quite sure how Nick would act towards her when he saw her. It had been three days since he'd left her apartment, and though he'd called to make sure she knew that he wasn't going to avoid her this time, they still hadn't been alone together.
But being dragged into an interrogation room was the last thing she'd expected.
"What are you going to do, interrogate me?" she asked, only half-kidding.
He slammed the door shut behind them, isolating them from the stares of the rest of the department. "Something like that," he mumbled.
"What's going on, Nick?" He was livid, she could tell, and probably on the brink of letting the vampire loose. He was angry with her, that was clear. But she hadn't a clue as to why.
"Maybe you should tell me," he snapped back at her. "Or didn't you think I had a right to know?"
"About what?!" she demanded, irritated that he wasn't coming out with it.
"Maybe you were just going to wait until someone showed me your photo in the centerfold of Canadian Playboy," he began to rant. "Or Tom Connor came in bragging to the entire force how he had taken pictures of you in the nude!"
Natalie's jaw dropped. "Oh my God," she moaned. What the hell had Tracy done? "Look, Nick, let me explain," she began, reaching out to him. But he pulled away.
"What is there to explain? Tom Connor made it perfectly clear--"
"Tom--he what?!" she cried. So that was what had been going on before she came in! She didn't want to even think of what had been said.
"Oh, he's all ready to shoot pictures of you, Nat...and to do whatever else you let him!"
"Hey, wait a minute!" His insinuation was a slap in the face considering what they had been through in the last few weeks. But this was all Tracy's doing, and the sooner she cleared it up the better. "Nick, listen to me--"
"Of all the ridiculous ideas, Nat!" he chastised her. "You, entering a contest to be a centerfold in Canadian Playboy--"
His words stopped her dead. And suddenly, the need to set him straight took a back burner to her pride. "Wait, what's so ridiculous?" she asked defensively. "What are you trying to say, that I wouldn't have a snowball's chance in hell of winning?"
"I didn't mean that--"
"Then what did you mean?" she cornered him.
He hesitated, as if trying to rephrase it without insulting her. "The women in those magazines are..."
"Are what? Beautiful? Sexy? Just which category are you saying I don't fit into?"
"Come on, Nat! The girls who pose for those things are all dumb kids, not mature women--"
"So I'm too old, is that what you're saying?"
"I didn't say that!" he cried, frustrated at his inability to keep his foot out of his mouth.
Natalie glared at him, fuming, for what seemed an eternity. The fact that she'd never had any intention of posing for those pictures seemed irrelevant now. Tracy had been right in one respect; he was jealous. But his attitude now was infuriating. More than that. His words stung her, playing right into her own insecurities. Part of her wished she could win that contest just to prove to him that she could. But no, that was ridiculous. She would never allow Connor to shoot those pictures, much less send them in.
But Nick didn't have to know that, did he?
He'd deserve it if she carried on this charade. But could she? "Look, I haven't really made up my mind," she said indecisively.
"How could you even think of doing this?! Letting twenty million men in Canada see you...like that?"
She smiled to herself. At least now he was considering that she might win. "Actually, I think they have foreign subscriptions to the U.S. and Europe, too," she told him with a straight face.
"Oh great. So now men all over the world can know what you look like with no clothes on. How could you even think of doing it, Nat?" he cried desperately.
Good question. "Well, uh, thirty thousand dollars is a lot of money," was the first thing she thought of to say. "I could pay off my credit cards."
"Nat, if you needed money all you had to do was ask!" he told her frantically.
"That's not the point, Nick. Maybe I need to feel...desirable." She realized after she said it that it was all too true. But her honesty in that respect made him believe it even more.
He seemed crestfallen, but the anger had come back into his eyes. "You're doing this to hurt me," he stated simply.
"No, Nick. I'm not." And she wasn't. At this point she wasn't even sure why she was going along with it. But already she felt she was in too deep to deny that she had played a part in it.
"Then why would you let that animal take pictures of you naked?" he challenged her angrily.
She took a deep breath. Why indeed? "Nick, they're...only pictures..."
"Only pictures?!" he boomed. "Nat, you didn't hear him! Did you think he was going to stop at taking a few pictures of you? How naïve could you be?!"
"I didn't think--"
"I'm sorry, Nat. Maybe you don't think I have a say in whether you enter this contest," he cried in exasperation. "But I promise you one thing--if that idiot sees you naked it will be over my dead body!"
They both realized at once the irony of what he had said, and Natalie had to force herself to keep from laughing.
"You know what I mean!" he shouted.
A knock at the door saved her from having to respond.
Tracy entered meekly, knowing that whatever she was interrupting had been of her own doing. "Um, Nat, I'm sorry to bother you, but the Captain needs to see you right away."
"Can't it wait?!" Nick barked at her.
"I don't think so," Tracy told him quietly.
"Don't move," Natalie ordered him. "I'll be right back."
When Natalie had shut the door behind them, she grabbed Tracy by the arm and pulled her into the next room, slamming the door shut. "I could kill you for this! What the hell did you tell him?!"
Tracy recounted the whole sordid conversation. Natalie just listened, mortified, wondering if she could ever look Riley, Garner or Connor in the face again. "I told you I didn't want to do this!"
"I know, but you were both so miserable, I only wanted to help. I'm sorry!" she apologized.
Natalie sighed. "It's all right. But it's gone far enough."
"Did you tell him the truth?"
Briefly Natalie told her what had happened. Tracy's mask of guilt slowly turned into one of satisfaction. "I told you, Natalie! He is so jealous! This is perfect!"
"No it's not!" Natalie told her. "He's furious at me, I feel lousy about the whole thing, and I'm not even sure what to say next. I wouldn't have even gone along with it if he hadn't gotten me so annoyed. But this whole thing has gone far enough. I want you to march right in there and tell him what you did."
Tracy shook her head and smiled. "Uh-uh. You've gone this far."
"And that's as far as I intend to go--"
"Come on. I'll bet you a week's salary he offers to take the pictures himself."
"And then what?"
Tracy's eyes took on an evil glint. "Let him."
"Are you serious?"
"Dead serious."
'Again with the dead'. Natalie thought to herself.
"Nat, are you saying it wouldn't be fun?"
She was silent. She couldn't say that at all. It might just be the thing to entice him enough to...
"No, I can't go through with this. He's already so angry with me. He thinks I'm doing it to hurt him. I don't want to do that. I'm gonna go in there and tell him the truth--" She turned to leave.
"Don't you dare!" Tracy told her, grabbing her by the arm. "Please, just see how it plays out. And if it gets really out of hand--"
"It already is out of hand," she complained.
"I promise, if it gets too messy, I'll tell Nick it was all my idea, and you had nothing to do with it. If anything, he'll be mad at me, but at least things will be okay between you two."
Natalie shook her head. "I dunno, Trace...This whole thing is crazy..."
"Just trust me. It'll be a lot of fun. And it may give him the push he needs."
That was for certain. She'd either end up in bed with him...
...or dead.
But no. After the other night, she was sure that Nick could control himself. If only he believed it. If only he would give it a chance....
"Okay," she said reluctantly. "I won't tell him the truth--yet."
"Good girl," Tracy said triumphantly. "Now you'd better get back in there. Maybe he's calmed down a bit..."
"What about the Captain?" she asked, suddenly remembering. "Didn't he want to--?"
At Tracy's look she realized that too had been a ruse.
"You're sick," she told her with a chuckle. "But I hope you're right, and he's had a chance to calm down."end part 11
(Part 12/18)
Nick was anything but calm. He paced the floor waiting for her to come back. So it was true. She was really going to do it.
Could he stop her? Did he have a right? He'd never made a real commitment to her. But wasn't the fact that he was so set against it enough for her? Why was she doing it? He'd tried to tell her how ludicrous it was, but he'd given himself a permanent case of Hoof and Mouth disease. Didn't she have any modesty at all? Or was he still
thinking with a thirteenth century mentality? Or worse, had his inability to make love to her made her feel so unwanted that she needed to prove something?
He opened the door to see if she was coming...
Tom Connor's eyes met his instead.
"Give her a break, Knight," Connor told him, as if he knew what was going on between them. How much had Natalie told him about their relationship anyway? And where did Connor get off thinking he had to defend Natalie from him?!
"Stay out of it, Connor. And stay away from her. I'm warning you."
Connor's nostrils flared at the threat. His ego still bruised from Nick's earlier attack, he was in no mood to be polite. "What's the matter, Knight?" he taunted. "Afraid I might hit it? You've had your chance. It's a shame to let a hot little piece of ass like that go to waste--"
In one swift move Nick had grabbed Connor by the throat, shoving him against the wall and holding him suspended there. His eyes were blazing gold with his fury as he snarled, "If I ever hear you talk about her like that again, the next time Natalie sees you you'll be on one of her slabs waiting to be cut open!"
Connor could barely speak as Nick's fingers dug into his trachea, but his eyes were opened wide with fright. Nick bore into his eyes, his mind, as he said, "You will never speak about Natalie Lambert like that again. You will never think about her like that again!"
Connor stared at him with empty eyes, mouthing what he had said as Nick slowly released his grip. But Nick was sure to add, "You can't take those pictures of her. Your girlfriend wouldn't like it..."
"My girlfriend wouldn't like it..." Connor whispered.
"Are you gong to make him forget that you nearly snapped his neck, too?"
Nick started as he heard Natalie's angry voice and realized that she had seen at least part of his display. Trying not to lose his control over Connor's mind, he added, "You will not remember any of this..."Natalie had come in just as Connor had made his crude remarks, in time to see Nick pin him against the wall. She'd shut the door quickly, without Nick ever noticing, praying that no one else had seen. By the time she'd turned back to Nick, his rage had abated.
But hers hadn't. How dare he do this! And yet her own culpability in the whole thing prevented her from screaming at him as she might have under other circumstances. Tracy had engineered this whole situation, and she had played along thus far. If she hadn't, Nick would have ignored Connor's comments, knowing that it was all an act. Or would he have? Connor had taken it a step too far, probably to get back at Nick for his earlier attack. But Nick wasn't to blame for that either, was he?
It had reached that point of no return, hadn't it? She couldn't tell Nick the truth now if she wanted to. By playing along earlier, she had pushed him into attacking Conner. She was just as much to blame as Tracy.
She listened politely as Connor made his excuses, using Nick's words, for why he couldn't take the pictures that in reality he never was going to anyway. As the door shut behind him she turned to Nick, guilty as hell, but still not willing to let him totally off the hook.
"Very impressive job there," she said sarcastically.
He looked at her guiltily. "I'm sorry--but you didn't hear what he said. I couldn't let him talk about you like that--"
"I heard," she admitted. "I guess...I can't really be angry with you for defending my honor."
She could see the relief in his eyes. "I--I know I got a little out of hand. This whole night has just been..." His voice trailed off. "Nat, look, if you really want to be in this contest...I can't stop you-"
"Well, in effect you have. I have no one to take the pictures, now. I wasn't about to pay a fortune to a professional photographer, and Tom offered to do it for me--"
"--for free?" he asked bitterly. "If you heard what he said, then you know what he had in mind."
"Okay, fine. So it was a stupid thing to do. But now there's no one--"
"I'll do it."
He had said it so quietly, she wasn't even sure she'd heard him correctly. "What did you say?"
He took a deep breath, then looked into her eyes. "I said, I'll take the pictures for you. If you must go through with this, go ahead, but I'm not about to let anyone else be alone with you and see you like that."
Tracy Vetter was suddenly elevated in Natalie's esteem by leaps and bounds. "You're...kidding," she told him. "You don't know anything about photography." She couldn't just say okay immediately, could she?
"I certainly do," he told her. "I was a photographer...in another life." He was lying through his teeth, but she loved it. At least she wasn't the only one now. "Where? When?" she questioned.
"Chicago," he said, that being probably the first city that came to mind.
"I thought you were a cop there," she said suspiciously.
"Before that."
"An archaeology professor--"
"In between...those two. In the sixties..." he faltered.
"I thought you were in Vietnam?" she asked dubiously.
He gave her a wry smile, trying to be charming as he said, "And do you think you know everything about my past, Doctor Lambert?"
"Okay...but do you have equipment now?"
"Sure," he lied.
"You need a self-timer...it says some of the pictures have to be with a guy..."
"You mean I have to...?"
"You don't have to be naked. Just in some kind of pose with me."
His mouth dropped open, as the fury flirted with his eyes. "You mean he was going to...?!"
She slipped her arms around his neck before his anger could flare once more. "He's not going to, remember? You saw to that. His girlfriend? Remember?"
"Yeah," he relented, choosing to focus his energy on her rather than what wouldn't happen anyway. He kissed her deeply, convincing her that nothing at all between them had been damaged by this little sham.
"Only one problem," she whispered between kisses.
"Yeah, what's that?" he asked, nuzzling at her neck.
"What's gonna happen when he realizes he doesn't have a girlfriend?"
She giggled, and for the first time that day, Nick smiled broadly.
"I don't care," he said, bringing his mouth down upon hers once more.
This was definitely going to be worth the week's pay she now owed Tracy.end part 12
(Part 13/18)
"What the hell am I doing, Sydney?"
The grey tiger-cat just stared at her as she fussed with her mascara and eyeliner.
Still wrapped in her fluffy bathrobe, Natalie looked over at the black teddy and shook her head. "This is crazy. I never should have let Tracy talk me into this. I should have told Nick the truth from the beginning. I don't know why--"
The doorbell rang, and she looked at the clock with panic. He was fifteen minutes early. "A little anxious, isn't he, Syd?" she said wryly. But her own anxiety threatened to keep her from even answering the door.
Doubts and self-recriminations had filled her last twenty-four hours. But try as she might to blame the whole thing on Tracy, she knew that she was the one who had decided to go through with the whole charade. Was it her utter frustration with her relationship with Nick, and her desire to give him a push? Or was it the pure decadence of the whole thing, and the thought of what might come of it? In either case, she was glad they'd planned it for tonight. If she'd had any more time to think about it, she would have backed out.
But if she did, then she and Nick would go back to the status quo. She believed with all her heart that the intimacy they'd had that one night could be theirs again--that only his fear stood in the way. She'd tried desperately to convince him, running the gamut between patience and rage. But it always came down to his fear. And it always ended in frustration.
If only he could let go...if only she could entice him enough. But Natalie had never been into games. She wasn't sure how he would react to what she must say and do to pull it off. What must he think already of her, what respect might he have lost for her, because of this deception? Even after all was said and done, would he, knowing the truth, be able to forgive her for putting him through this?
She'd picked up the phone to call him a dozen times, ready to confess that it was all a sham. What had stopped her? Was it because she was already in too deep? Or was she just so desperate to reach him that she was willing to try anything?
She opened the door to see his face a mirror of her own nervousness. His arms were filled, with camera equipment, a tripod, and a package, which she knew must contain his bottles of blood. It was a grim reminder of the physical anguish that this situation might cause him. Was it worth it, she wondered?
"Hi. You're a little early..." she said, trying to obscure from him her own uneasiness.
"Sorry, if you want me to come back later--" he said awkwardly.
"No, that's okay. Come in. I just need a couple of minutes to change."
"Oh, go ahead. I need to set things up anyway." Clumsily he brought his things into the apartment, setting them down wordlessly.
She watched him for a moment before placing her hand over his. "Nick, we need to talk."
He looked into her eyes as she reached up to put her arms around his neck. It would be so easy to blurt it out. She was a coward, wasn't she? She wasn't sure which would be scarier--telling him the truth now, or taking off her clothes to pose in front of him. But it was his feelings that were of paramount importance to her right now.
"Nick, are you sure...you're okay with this?" He hesitated a moment, searching her eyes, before saying, "Yeah, sure."
"I just want you to know...that I love you. I wouldn't do anything to hurt you. If you really have a problem with this...with me entering the contest...or with taking the pictures..."
She wasn't sure if she was giving him an out, or allowing herself one. But only knowing that she wasn't causing him real pain would allow her to go on right now.
He breathed deeply. "I can't tell you that the thought of you in that magazine doesn't bother me, Nat. But I want you to be happy. If this is important to you..."
"*You* are more important to me than anything," she assured him. And she could see by the way that his eyes lit up that that meant a lot to him.
He pulled her closer into a hug, holding her for a long moment. When he released her, he seemed much more at ease. "It's okay," he promised her. "Let's go for it. I can't guarantee I'll ever develop those films once I take them..." he added, "but I'll give it a shot."
She smiled at him. Maybe he had no more intention of letting anyone see those pictures than she had. But he loved her enough to go through with it.
She'd make sure he wasn't sorry.She'd given him an out. He could have stopped her right then. Why hadn't he?
He'd spent the last twenty-four hours in anguish, unable to deal with the fact that she was actually going through with this. The thought horrified him. But even worse had been the possibility that Tom Connor might take those pictures. That, Nick could never have allowed. Even if it meant lying to her about his ability to shoot the pictures himself.
Did she have a clue that he'd never so much as used a camera? Oh, perhaps when they'd first been invented, just as a novelty. But in the last fifty years? Never.
But he was an artist. It couldn't be much different from painting, could it?
She looked so beautiful to him right now, so sexy, even in the fluffy pink robe that left everything to the imagination. Did she remember that she had worn that robe in his house that night? That she had put it on after the first time they'd made love, only to have him take it off of her again? He fought to push those memories from his
mind. He would have a difficult enough time hiding his purely physical reaction to her nudity once they began.
"*You* are more important to me than anything," she was saying. And her assurances of love meant everything to him. He knew in his heart how much she loved him, just as he knew now that she would quit if he wanted her to. God knew, he wanted to call an end to it. The whole idea of this was so foreign to him. But he could not forget that she'd said she wanted to feel desirable. He knew that if she had something to prove by doing this, it was because of him, and his inability to satisfy her in their relationship. Perhaps the guilt of knowing that was the greatest motivation for going through with it. Perhaps it was the fact that he was so desperately in love with her
that he would do anything to make her happy.
He pulled her into his embrace, hugging her to him. "It's okay," he promised her. And it was. "Let's go for it. I can't guarantee I'll ever develop those films once I take them..." he added, "but I'll give it a shot."
"Fair enough," she told him. "I guess...I'll get changed." Did he see a hint of modesty in her smile? Maybe this wasn't as easy for her as she pretended. "Nat, wait."
She turned back to him expectantly, and he almost wondered if she wanted him to stop her. He held out his arms to her and she fell into them again. "Would I mess up your makeup too much if I kissed you?" he asked tenderly.
"I'll fix it," she said softly as his mouth found hers. They were back in his loft again, her freshly showered scent filling his nostrils, the soft terry-cloth teasing him as his hands caressed her nakedness through the fabric. What he wouldn't give to rip it away as he had that night, to make love to her...
But that wasn't what he was here for, he thought sadly. Gently he released her.
"I guess...I'll get changed..." she said again, this time with more reluctance.
And as he watched her leave the room, he could only wonder with anticipation and dread what she was changing into. And with embarrassment he realized that he was becoming erect just at the thought of taking these pictures...End part 13
(Part 14/18)
She'd chosen the teddy with the utmost care, knowing that both her feigned purpose and real one demanded nothing less than the sexiest she could find. Black lace covered her but revealed just enough to drive him wild. He would see the folds of her breasts, the dark skin of her nipples, the very folds of her womanhood peeking through, inviting. And at the same time it would drive him insane with jealousy to think that she would have let Connor photograph her this way. That she would let two million men in Canada see her this way.
And this would only be the beginning.
For the last few minutes had proven to her that everything was right between them. Their love had not been marred by this wicked little plan. And it never would be. With excitement she realized that nothing could come out of this but good. Nick was ready to let go of the fear. She could feel it in his kiss, in his bold caresses. He was
ready to set free the man, while controlling the vampire. And with a little enticement...she would help him do it.
She slipped on the black silk matching robe, then fixed her smeared lipstick. She was ready.
His lips parted in surprise as she went back into the living room. And suddenly he seemed nervous as all hell.
"You look...great. That's not as bad as I thought. I mean, not too revealing..."
She chuckled to herself to realize that he thought she was going to pose like this. "Nick, this is only my robe...I've got on something underneath..."
She thought to show him, but decided to wait. He merely nodded his acknowledgment as he muttered, "Okay, well why don't I get set up?"
She led him into the bedroom, making herself comfortable on her fluffy white lace comforter, enjoying every moment of watching him fumble with the equipment he claimed to know so well. She knew damn well that she'd never seen him shoot so much as a picture before, and he must have gone out to buy the equipment last night. Knowing the lengths he'd gone to to keep Connor from doing the job just made her love him more.
"Okay, all set," he said with a nervous smile. "You know, that robe is lovely, you might want to take pictures just wearing that..."
She giggled at his final attempt to keep her decent. "Nick, don't be silly, this is for Canadian Playboy, not a Victoria's Secret Catalog!"
She stood deliberately in front of him as she slipped off the robe. She could swear she'd felt the heat emanating from him as he took in what he saw. "Do you like it?" she asked,
"You look... beautiful," he said softly. His gaze went from her breasts to her quite visible mound of curls, carrying a wave of arousal with it. She could feel her own dampness as his eyes adored her. And she was almost blushing when his gaze met hers again. "Just beautiful, Nat," he repeated slowly. And suddenly a sadness overtook him. For what they had had that once? For what he wanted right now, and felt was impossible? Or for the thought of sharing her with all those other men? She couldn't be sure, but once more she was almost ready to halt her charade. She wanted to entice him, not hurt him. But as he forced the sadness from his eyes, she did away with any regrets. It was too late. She had to go through with it.
She lay back down on the fluffy lace pillows, and he began to shoot as she preened herself in every provocative position she could imagine. Finally, she faced the camera on her hands and knees, her eyes looking into his. She could feel the tips of her nipples, hard now from the cool air and from the excitement of having him watch her, slip from the top of her teddy.
"Uh, Nat," he said, pausing, and pointed, too embarrassed to tell her what was happening.
"That's what's supposed to happen, Nick," she told him innocently. "Lingerie shots, and then eventually nude shots."
She could see him take a deep breath and slowly go behind the camera as if he hadn't thought it would ever really get this far...
Soon, they'd exhausted every possibility with the teddy. "Okay, I guess this is history," she said as she stood to lose it. She purposely stood just inches from him as she pulled it fully down over her breasts, then her hips, then slipped if over her knees and kicked it aside. She stood before him totally naked. "How do you want me to pose for these?" she asked as if seeking his advice. "I haven't really seen many of these magazines...but I know they said they wanted a pretty explicit view."
"Why don't we, Uh, just start with shot of you lying down?"
She lay on her side, letting him catch a full view of her. A few shots like that and she decided to be more daring. Bringing her knees up, she spread her legs until her moist heat was fully exposed to him. There. There would be no denying what he was doing to her.
For a moment, she thought he'd forgotten how to hold a camera. "Nat, are you sure?" he pleaded.
"Nick--" she reprimanded.
And dutifully he took a few of that pose, and whatever other positions she could think of to give him the best view of her. Finally, she said, "Okay, that's it for those. Now they want a few action shots."
"Action?" he asked, dumbfounded.
"It's a raunchy magazine, Nick. They say there, they need a few shots of me, Um, pleasuring myself, and then the ones of me with a man touching me in some way."
"And Connor was going to--
"I told you about this already--''
"But I didn't think you were seriously going to let him--"
"It's not him, it's you," she reminded him. "So are you going to take these--or not?"
She could see him trying to control his anger, as he said, "All right. Fine. How do we do this?'
"They give a suggestion in the ad--"
He took it, reading it. "Pleasure yourself, forgetting about the camera, and let your photographer shoot at will to capture you at your most erotic."
"Sounds good to me," she said with a twinkle in her eye.
"Fantasize about someone--your husband...your boyfriend...or someone you desire..." he read, the words becoming increasingly difficult. He put down the magazine. He gave her the slightest smile through his otherwise tortured expression as he said, "What's your fantasy, Nat?"
"The same as always, " she said, running her hands down to her breasts, kneading them. She looked into his eyes as she took her nipple between her fingers, engorging it. "You. The last time we made love. The only time."
He did not respond. He shifted uncomfortably as he covered his face with the camera. Natalie closed her eyes, imagining him, as she always did when she needed to feel this release. But this time it was different. He was here. Watching her. Wanting her. Taking photographs that he thought the world might see. Hating every moment, yet enjoying it.
"Do you remember when you first touched me like this, Nick?" she asked as she caressed her breasts. "On Valentine's Day. And you tried to make me forget. But could I forget feeling like this?" she whispered. And she cupped her breasts, squeezing them, bringing them up to invite him.
"I...I had to. You know that..." he managed, all the while keeping to his promise to capture her movements.
"And the next time...was when *you* forgot...Forgot who you were, who I was..." One hand continued to knead her breast as the other slid down her slim belly, playing with her mound of curls.
"I remembered what I felt for you," he told her softly. "And that was enough."
"And that was the first time you touched me like this..." she went on, slowly spreading her legs. With her index and ring fingers she separated her folds, allowing him and the camera the best view possible of her most private area. Her middle finger tested the warm juices that had already begun to flow from her core, and she dampened her finger in them with a swift in and out movement. Then, slowly, she traced the path back to her nub of pleasure, circling it, rubbing it, showing him exactly what she loved most. "Was I this hot and wet for you then, Nick?" she breathed as she rubbed harder against her already engorged sex.
"Yes," he said huskily. "Oh God, Nat, yes."
He'd thought himself ready for this. But the sight of her in that black teddy had shattered his confidence. And the moment she'd stood naked before him, he'd known that he was lost. How could he forget that night? He'd replayed it in his mind thousands of times, his perfect memory allowing him to recall every sensation. But even his fantasies of that beautiful night had brought the vampire to the surface, as his overwhelming love and need for her had awakened the primal urges of his cursed beast. How many times since then had he tried to love her once more, only to pull away in fear...or come dangerously close to taking her life? But even those stolen kisses and caresses were child's play compared to the temptation before him now. He wanted her. How could he not? Even the sound of her voice, the smell of her skin, her hair, or looking into those beautiful blue eyes, could make him want her. Seeing her like this now, her full breasts just within his reach, her nipples erect and waiting for his tongue to taste them, her beautiful womanhood inviting him to take refuge in her warmth, the musky scent of her arousal filling his nostrils....It was intoxicating. And he wanted her more than he had ever wanted any woman before. For this was his Natalie, the woman he loved more than his own life. How could he not want her as she lay before him like this, her eyes closed, her face a mask of pleasure that he wanted so desperately to give her?
"Do you remember what it was like to be inside me?" she asked as she plunged her finger into her core, making sure that it rubbed against her nub with every thrust.
Of course he remembered! How could he ever forget the thrill of being completely consumed by her, of losing himself in her warm wetness, of feeling her climax wash over him, her entire body vibrating around him, embracing him, drawing his own eruption from him....She couldn't say another word to him. The excitement was building to its peak as her body came up to meet her hand. He was watching her; she knew it. Wanting her. And still the flashes told her that he was photographing every moment of her play, perhaps as something he would keep for himself as a momento. Yes, she'd let him keep them...and the thought of him masturbating as he looked at these photos of her was incredibly sexy. Suddenly her entire core was vibrating around her finger as her juices flowed forth. She heard herself moan in pleasure as her entire body seemed to shake from her orgasm.
She opened her eyes, still trying to catch her breath, to see him lower the camera to look at her. "Nat, that was...."
She wouldn't give him a chance to say it. She had him now. "Okay, now it's time for the shots with you."
Silently he set up the timed delay so that the camera would go off every thirty seconds. She watched him fumble to put in a new film, mumbling, "Forty exposures...new film..."
Hmmm, she thought. Twenty minutes. That should be enough.
"Now, how should we---?"
"Well," she said, "Connor was going to just pose with me wearing a police uniform. Maybe with handcuffs or something..."
Nick looked visibly perturbed, the jealousy surfacing once more. "With you naked? I can't believe you would have let him.''
"It's only a picture, Nick," she said.
"It's not just a picture, Nat!" he cried suddenly. "It would have been that animal with his hands all over the woman I love!"
His words were a panacea to her, but pained her as well. She didn't want to hurt him like this. She'd thought that that part of it was over, that she had reassured him sufficiently of her devotion to him and him alone. "Nick," she said gently, "I didn't do it. He's not here. It's you..."
"But it could have been him..." he accused, his anger of the day before flooding back.
"But it's not," she said, and put her arms around his neck. She looked deeply into his eyes. "It's you." She kissed him deeply, exploring his mouth with her tongue. With relief, she could feel him responding, kissing her tentatively at first, then more urgently as their contact set free the desires that the evening had engendered in
him. He wrapped his arms around her, his cool hands caressing her hair, running slowly down her back, then coming to rest on the soft skin of her bottom. And even as he kissed her hungrily, his hands kneaded her flesh, grasping her tightly to pull her against him. Only then did Natalie truly realize the effect she had had on him, as his hardness pressed into her, his pants a feeble barrier as his arousal struggled to find a haven in her warmth. So close! Her insides were burning with a desire that could only be assuaged by the touch of his cool skin. "Nick," she whispered between kisses.
His lips had begun to roam downwards, as he nibbled at her neck. Suddenly she gasped as something sharp grazed her skin.
She'd barely reacted when suddenly he pulled away in fright. And his face betrayed every emotion--his love, his desire, his grief, his horror--as he realized what he had been about to do. Even as his fangs sank back into his mouth, his eyes blazed amber with the beast he had failed to control--once more. "I need...a minute alone..." he managed, then grabbed one of the bags he had brought with him, his visage one of shame as he left her bedroom, closing the door behind him. And Natalie sank down onto the bed, miserable, her confidence of minutes before utterly destroyed. How could she have done this to him? Why couldn't she just have trusted him when he'd said that he was afraid of losing control? Her little game had been a disaster. She'd hurt him with her ruse, and hurt any chances now that they could be together. For she'd only confirmed to him once more what he feared most--that as long as he was a vampire, they would never be able to be intimate without putting her life in danger.End part 14
(Part 15/18)
Nick drank the entire bottle of blood, with a hunger more voracious than he had known in eight hundred years. He'd thought himself prepared for this, he'd drunk his fill before coming, just to keep his desires at bay...
But how could he have ever imagined...this?
She was so beautiful. He'd always thought so, but watching her pleasure herself, knowing she was thinking of their time together, knowing she was thinking of him as she brought herself to her climax...It was too incredible for words...
Then his frustration had set in, the anguish of knowing that watching her like this was the most he dared....
And the anger. The Jealousy. Knowing that another man could easily pleasure her, love her in ways that he dared not. His struggle had gone on for centuries. Her life was short. How long would she wait? How long could she remain unfulfilled, hoping for a day, a cure, that might never be? She was young, beautiful, brilliant, and shone with all the goodness that he lacked. Any man in his right mind would want her.
Tom Connor wanted her. Again the fury filled him. And with it the hurt. Would she really have let Connor see her like this? And worse, would she have let him touch her as he had, hold her...? His sensibilities told him no. Not Natalie. Not *his* Natalie. But did he have any right to consider her *his* when he avoided commitment to her
like the plague? Had a small part of her *wanted* Connor, a human, a man, to want her like that?
Had she wanted *him*?
The thought dizzied him with the rush of emotions it engendered. Jealousy. Rage. Despair.
Determination.
The time had come. He could not rely on a cure that might never materialize. She was right. He'd made love to her once, when he hadn't known that he was a vampire. He would make love to her again. Control it. Vanquish it.
He had to. If not, she would slip through his fingers.
He wouldn't lose her. Not to Connor. Not to any other man. He could love her, be there for her, bring her pleasure, better than anyone. And he had every intention of showing her tonight.
For no one could possibly love her as desperately as he did. He'd prove that to her before the night was out.
She pulled on the black robe, realizing it was completely see-through without the teddy underneath. It wouldn't be fair to him to stay like this. She pulled open a drawer, pulling out a pair of sweats and T-shirt when suddenly he came back into the room.
His eyes were blue once more, and the anxiety was gone from his face. She hated the thought of how much blood she had driven him to drink to satisfy his need. She wanted to cry. This was getting worse every minute. "Nick, I'm so sorry," she began, pulling the robe closed tightly and going over to him.
"Nothing to be sorry about," he said with an almost unnatural calm.
"No, I pushed you into this, and--"
He put his hands on her shoulders, and smiled at her. "Nat, it's all right. *I'm* all right. Really, I just got...a little carried away. But I'm fine now. I promise."
She knew he was putting on this front for her, and it just made her feel worse. "Nick, we have to talk. I--"
He shook his head, putting a finger on her lips. "Shhhhhhhhhhh. We'll talk later, after we're done."
"We *are* done," she told him. "I was wrong to have you--" She stopped suddenly as his smile turned to a frown, and it occurred to her that perhaps he *had* been fine until she'd just insisted that she had made a mistake. He was taking her hesitance now as something else.
"Nat, are you...afraid of me?" he asked painfully. "Has it finally come to that?"
"Oh God, no, Nick," she promised, realizing that in trying to save him any more anguish she had inadvertently made it seem as if she were scared to go on.
"You know I would never suggest we go on if I thought--"
"I know that," she told him in no uncertain terms.
He smiled, satisfied. "Good. So let's finish up. What does it suggest in that magazine for the last set of pictures?"
There was no way out of it. If she stopped now, he would always think it was because she was afraid. That wouldn't do at all. He would never again even attempt intimacy if he believed she were frightened of him. She realized now that she had dug herself a whole so inexorably deep that there was no way to ever climb out. She had to go on. "Um. Let me see," she said, still holding the robe closed as she reached for the magazine. Then she read, "Take a set of shots with your favorite guy...hubby, lover, or maybe just someone you always wanted...have some fun with him...let us see him enjoying your body. The more he does, the more we will."
She looked up to see his reaction. His eyes were bright blue,
filled with a real desire for her. "I think I can handle that," he said softly. "Enjoying your body should be very, very, easy...."
She could feel her juices flowing at his words. Would it really be possible this time? Was he truly ready to try? Did he have any intention of trying to make love to her, or was that just her fantasy? Was he really just going to hold her, and touch her, for the sake of a few pictures...and nothing more?
He stepped towards her, taking her face in his hands. "You are so beautiful," he whispered, his eyes smiling at her. She melted when he looked at her this way, simply adoring, as if she meant everything to him... His kiss was deep, tender, as his fingertips danced at her neck. She wasn't afraid. Something had changed in him. He was confident, relaxed, as if having averted a deadly situation had proven finally to him that he could. And she knew at once that he had taken control, of the vampire, of the situation...of her.
She was only too happy to let him. Now, as his fingertips eased their way downward, she could feel him reaching beneath the thin robe, taking her breasts fully in his hands. His cool touch brought a shiver, yet even as he caressed her she could feel a warm flush run through her body. His kiss became more insistent as his hands followed the lead, his thumbs tweaking her nipples to harden them. Then, his lips began the journey downward, as a trail of kisses brought his mouth to her breasts. He tasted each in turn, twirling his tongue around her nipples, moistening them, only to blow cool air on them. The effect was pure electricity. No one had ever done this to her before, and Natalie thought it likely that she might come just like this....
Suddenly, he stopped, and Natalie opened her eyes as he brought his face to hers again. She was about to protest when he said, "What do you say we take those pictures?"
"Wha--huh?" she asked as her mind cleared. The pictures! He still thought... "Oh, yeah, sure," she said, cursing the lie that had brought a sudden end to her pleasure. Well, she deserved it, didn't she? Maybe he had caught on, and was going to tease her like this on purpose....
Still giving her that adoring smile, he slipped the robe from her shoulders, letting it fall to the ground as he took her in completely. And ironically, despite her earlier exhibitionism, she suddenly felt self-conscious. They weren't playing by her script anymore, were they? She wondered if he intended to disrobe for the pictures, or if he would stay fully clothed. As he turned on the camera timer, and sat at the foot of the bed, she realized he had chosen the latter. She smiled as he reached out his arms to her. There was something very sexy about this.
"I'm going to keep my clothes on," he said, as if in answer to her question. "They don't want to see me, anyway." He looked at her devilishly. "Besides, it'll be more fun to ravish you this way."
Yes, he definitely had taken control. And was enjoying it immensely.
But so was she, so that was just fine!
He spread his legs, motioning for her to come sit between them. "This way you're facing the camera," he explained. With his hands, he spread her legs so that she was wide open to the camera. "That's it," he said, rubbing her inner thighs. His finger tips skirted the edge of her mound or curls, teasing her. How she wanted to guide his hand inside of her! But it was his game now, and she would let him play it as he liked.
Natalie leaned back against him, as he planted light kisses on her neck. His hands moved slowly back up to her breasts, as with each thumb and forefinger he hardened her nipples once more. Her legs were still wide open, and she had straddled his to maintain her position. Though she knew these pictures would go nowhere, there was still something so erotic about being so fully exposed to the camera as Nick worked his magic on her. And, there was always the hope that his hands would find their way back down there. She could feel her arousal intensifying just at the thought.
"I love you so much, Natalie," he whispered in her ear, words that excited her more than anything he could possibly do to her body. She turned her head to the side, meeting his kisses with her lips.
A flash.
God, what must that look like? He was kneading her breasts as he continued to kiss her hungrily as best he could from this position. Suddenly, as one hand continued its tender ministrations, the other began to rove slowly downward.
Again, he teased her, skirting the edge of her hair, only now and again running a light finger over her sensitive folds. She kissed him harder as he suddenly thrust a finger in to test her wetness. He'd clearly found her more than ready for him, and began to slip in and out, playing inside her. She took in a breath as to her sudden disappointment he withdrew his finger, then gasped as he moved in again, this time with two.
A flash.
His fingers retreated, teasing her again. But this time, armed with her own juices, they moved up to her nub of pleasure, already engorged with her arousal. With swift strokes he rubbed against her, and she could feel her pelvis reaching up against his hand.
A flash.
"Do you like this, Nat?" he breathed huskily in her ear.
"Oh God, yes," she sighed as three fingers plunged into her
A flash.
"Would you really have let him do this to you, Nat?"
The question jolted her. He'd not stopped at all in his tender caresses to ask it, but she could hear the tinge of hurt in his voice.
"No," she breathed, placing her hand over his, even as it kneaded her breast.
"I know he wants you," he said, as his fingers slipped in and out of her.
"It doesn't matter..." she murmured. She didn't want to think about anything, but the way Nick was touching her.
A flash.
"Do you think Connor could make you feel this way?" he asked in a playful challenge. And to press the point, his other hand joined in, as he worked at her, caressing, touching, rubbing, sliding in and out, in and out, bringing her closer to the pinnacle of ecstasy.
"No," she breathed. No one could, and he damn well knew it.
A flash.
"No one else can make you feel like this, Nat. Because no one could love you like I do...or want you like I do!" he said passionately. His words brought her over the brink.
"Oh, God...Oh, God..."
The room seemed to burst into color as her orgasm washed over him. She clasped her hand over his, holding it there, not wanting to lose the sensation of him inside her until her body had stopped contracting about him.
A flash.
For a long moment she lay back against him with her eyes closed, letting him kiss her lightly on the hair while his fingers played in her wetness. Finally she turned her body around, sitting on his lap as she laced her fingers around his neck, kissing him deeply.
A flash.
He looked down at her, smiling to see what must be total bliss on her face. "Did that feel good?" he asked needlessly.
"Oh, yes," she sighed, kissing him again. As she did, she began to undo the buttons on his shirt, reaching all the way to his waist before he caught her hand. She looked at him questioningly.
"No. I'm not through enjoying your body yet," he said with a wicked smile. He kissed her again as he slowly brought her down to lie with him on the bed. For a long time they kissed, and Natalie did manage to take off his shirt. But something told her that he didn't even realize it at the time; so engrossed was he in the new sensations
that he was allowing himself, that he seemed to have lost sense of everything but her.
That was just fine. It was long overdue.
end part 15(Part 16/18)
The scent of her arousal, or her orgasm, beckoned him like the sweetest bloodwine. He didn't know how long he could maintain this wonderful control that had allowed him to come so far...but he had to have her now. He had to feel her warmth, the pulse of her ecstasy encompassing him, the full force of her love, a love that had given him the strength and will to dare the impossible. And he had to prove to her his own love, his own commitment to their relationship. Part of that was his self-control, his willingness to try. Part of that was his vow to bring her more pleasure than she had ever known, to make her forget that any other man had ever existed.
Her fingertips feathered across his chest, reaching downward. How he ached for her touch! Their intimacy had aroused him so that he feared the slightest contact would bring forth an explosion. That was another kind of control he would struggle to maintain. If he had his way, this would last as long as possible...Once again, Nick's lips undertook the long, careful journey down her body. He hesitated at her neck, just long enough that she felt sure he was testing his own self-control. Finaly he moved downward, finding her breasts again, slowly suckling at each one, taking his time as if he would spend the rest of eternity pleasuring her. Natalie ran her fingers through his hair, holding him lovingly as he treated each breast as a rare delicacy, holding it lovingly in his hands while he tasted her skin. Natalie wasn't sure how many times the camera flashed. He had gotten up to change the film, shutting off the flash and moving the camera so that it faced the mirror to the left of her bed. Even as he cherished every inch of her skin, Natalie glanced in the mirror to see just what the camera could see...Nick loving her as if in a dream, a beautifully romantic, unquestionably erotic fantasy that she had never imagined would come true. Now, as his lips moved further downward, she thought to herself that even in her fantasies it had never felt so good. She had never in her wildest dreams imagined what he could do to her with innocent kisses....
His tongue tickled at her belly button, and she arched up as a reflex, only afterwards realizing that he might have taken it as a subtle hint of what she wanted.
Perhaps it had been. But Nick would keep her in suspense. His tongue played at her bikini line as he adored every crevice, every curve of her body.
The camera flashed as Nick separated from her. She looked up questioningly until he lifted her up gently to slip a pillow under her bottom, allowing the lower part of her body to arch upwards towards his face. She held her breath in anticipation as he slowly spread her legs apart, allowing the cool air to reach her private area. Once again, his tongue tortured her, tickling at her inner thighs, growing dangerously closer...
"Please, Nick," she begged.
Suddenly, when she thought she could wait no more, she felt his tongue curl round her nub of pleasure. "Ohhhhh," she moaned as the temperature inside her seemed to rise 100 degrees. And within her core, an emptiness longed to be filled...
Nick flicked at her engorged sex insistently until she felt she would explode. Then, as if knowing that he should prolong her pleasure, he began to explore the rest of her, tasting her arousal, lapping at her hungrily. His tongue flirted with the opening of her core before delving in deeply to reach her innermost womanhood. Natalie felt as if he were drawing her insides from her, and she arched her body up towards him, wanting to share her most intimate self with him completely. His hands had reached to grasp her buttocks, holding her up so that he could get more of her. The absolute pleasure of it seemed to elevate Natalie to another plane, where she wasn't even sure anymore exactly what he was doing, but knew that she would die if he stopped. First his hands were squeezing her, then a lone finger seemed to make its way between her cheeks, rubbing against her sensitive opening, teasing her as it threatened to probe her most unexplored territory... Another finger had joined his assault on the core of her sex, moving in to assist where his tongue could not reach. It seemed at once as if every erogenous zone in her body were under his control, as his fingers plunged into her and his mouth worked at the source of her pleasure, licking, sucking, as the flames seemed to engulf her.....
"Nick!" She nearly screamed his name as he brought her to a higher peak than she had ever imagined possible. Her entire body seemed to shake in the violent eruption, and she ran her fingers wildly through his hair as she held him against her, even as he continued to lap thirstily at her. It seemed that the soft pulsing would go on forever, even as he came up to hold her completely in his arms.
Her heart was still pounding, as if it would burst, as he held her tightly, lovingly. But if she died right now, she wouldn't care.
This was Heaven.Nick held her in his arms, kissing her softly on the cheek, running his fingers through her hair, whispering soft words of love. Nothing could compare to the joy he felt at seeing her like this. For so long he had brought her nothing but pain, frustration. That had ended this very night. No more would he fear to hold her, to touch her. No more would he be afraid that he would lose her in his inability to fulfill her. He had seen the ecstasy on her face, heard the pounding of her heart, the gentle sighs of pleasure as he had loved her completely. And though seeing her like this had driven him almost insane with his own desire for her, he would be content right now just to hold her, knowing that he had given her something so special, knowing that she was his and his alone....
But Natalie had other plans. As she began to stir from the stupor of her passion spent, she began to play with the hairs on his chest, her fingers wandering down to the waistband of his pants. Nick knew what was coming, but gasped nevertheless as she laid her hand over his swollen manhood. Even through his pants, her touch ignited a fire in him. How would it feel to have her hold him in the warmth of her hands....
He didn't have long to imagine it. Even as she rubbed against him with one hand, she was unbuttoning and unzipping his pants with the other. Nick was breathless, eyes closed in anticipation as she lowered his pants....
He'd expected to feel the warmth of her hands. He gasped in utter ecstasy as she began to taste him, first with her tongue, then her lips, taking him into the gloriously moist heat of her mouth....Natalie took in a breath as she looked at him now fully exposed to her. His entire body was so beautiful to her, and seeing his virility swollen with his desire for her made her want him even more. He had cherished her so completely, made her feel so loved and wanted after all the years of loneliness and longing...she would do the same for him. She would love him more than any other woman, human or vampire, ever had. She would adore every inch of him, bring him to greater heights of pleasure than he had known in eight hundred years. With her he would be human again, with human desires fulfilled. With her love she would heal the anguish of so many lifetimes, with her soul bring his into the light of love and peace. She knew she could do this. For she was as certain as she had ever been of anything in her life that no one could possibly ever love him as much as she did....
She lowered her head over his beautiful manhood, thinking of how complete she would feel to have him inside of her. But not yet. With her tongue, she began to taste him, moistening him, teasing him....
Then, she was consuming him, taking him into her mouth as fully as she could, moving up to suck lightly on his tip, then downward again as he moaned softly in pleasure. With one hand she held his base, while with the other she caressed his testicles, squeezing slightly, his gentle sounds of delight telling her how much he was loving this.
A flash registered in the back of her mind as she realized the camera was still on them. Well, this would certainly be an interesting shot to see, she thought, smiling to herself. With her hand she moved up and down, pulling slightly on him as her mouth tugged lovingly on his tip...
She could feel Nick's hands tangled in her hair, as he held her lovingly right where she was. She could feel a slight pulse and began to move faster up and down....
Suddenly, his body seemed to tense, but not as she had expected, as his moan of pleasure transformed into a low growl...
Natalie picked her head up to look at him, and her heart fell as he looked back at her with glowing amber eyes. His fangs had dropped, and his expression was tortured as he said, in a voice lower than his own, "Nat, we have to stop,... I can't... I don't want to hurt you..."
She knew she should be afraid. But she wasn't. A man who had loved her so completely could not hurt her. She believed that with all her heart. She came up to straddle him, his manhood still throbbing with his desire against her stomach, and looked into his eyes.
"We won't stop. And you won't hurt me. I know you won't...."end part 16
(17/18)
She was looking into his eyes so fearlessly that he could almost believe her. Yet the magic she had worked on his body had brought him to the brink, where his human and vampiric desires had suddenly become intertwined, as much as he would not have it be so. How desperately he needed to be inside her! But just as desperately he longed to sink his teeth into her flesh, to taste her precious life essence, to consume her completely....
"I can't, Nat..." he managed, feeling the blood tears come to his burning eyes. "It's too strong..."
"Not as strong as our love," she told him passionately. "I love you, Nick. Concentrate on that. I know you can do it...."
"I'm afraid," he whispered, bringing his hand up to her cheek.
"I'm not," she responded, and to prove it, reached down to kiss him on the lips.
He kissed her, tentatively, then more deeply, struggling against the aroma of her blood that called to him. Instead, he drew in the scent of her skin, her hair, her arousal, and her passion. "I love you," she whispered again and again, in between kisses.
And he knew that she did. More than he had ever known it, felt it, from any other woman. And he loved her so much more than he had ever imagined he could love, even more so for her courage, her strength, her determination to see that good in him that he had thought lost forever. And her love seemed to transform him, vanquishing the beast that threatened to destroy it, to destroy her. As she pulled away from him, he smiled. In her eyes he could see what he already knew.
It was gone. At least, for now. And it would not intrude upon them again.
His lips parted in anticipation as she lifted herself up, positioning herself just above him, lowering herself onto him, slowly taking him into her delicious warmth, enveloping him completely....Natalie gasped with her own pleasure as she slid slowly down onto him, taking him into her... For a long moment she held him there, relishing the completeness of having him inside her. How long had she waited for him to fill this void, in her body, her heart, her life....? As he looked up at her, his blue eyes filled with his love for her, and she knew that they had conquered the beast. And he was free now to love her, to be loved....
Natalie leaned down towards him, resting her palms on the bed for support, as she slowly moved up and down on him. Nick groaned in pleasure as she tightened her muscles around him, embracing him from within, tugging lightly at him with each upward movement. Her breasts were dangling above him, and he reached up, caressing them, playing with her nipples, every now and again taking one into his mouth as she let them fall in his face. Did he know just how sensitive she was there? He must! He manipulated her entire body so expertly, as if
anticipating her every whim, as if empathically feeling her pleasure. Was he reading her mind? Or did it just seem so...?Her breasts dangled above his mouth, inviting, enticing. He grasped them in turn, caressing her warm flesh, tasting her, suckling at her until her nipples were hard and full from his attentions. He could feel her quiver at his touch, hear her soft moans as he worked at her, feel her movements quicken as the thrill coursed through her
body. He was losing himself in her, in the softness of her breasts against his face, in the warm wet haven where she held him tightly, grasping him, pulling at him, even as she pressed the engorged nub of her arousal against his hardness. He reached out to take her hips, careful not to let her beautiful breasts fall from his mouth, suckling
at her as he helped her to move up and down on him....He was helping her now, guiding her as she slid so easily up and down on him, rubbing against him with each thrust. They were so close, she could tell, and yet she knew that Nick wanted this to last...With all his strength he lifted her until he nearly slid out of her, then teased her with his tip until she was begging for him to fill her again. Then he brought her down upon him once more, repeating this over and over, until her body screamed for completion.
The fire inside her was unbearable now, and even as he plunged more deeply into her, it seemed that she wanted him to go further still. Suddenly she could feel his tell-tale tensing inside her, even as a low growl began to escape from his lips. His movements within her quickened, and she tightened her muscles around him, squeezing him towards his completion . "Oh, Nat...Nat..." he cried. She pushed herself down hard on him, just as his passion erupted within her with his final thrust. That was all she needed. Her entire body shook with the explosion, and she fell against him, letting him hold her tightly as the pulsing refused to stop...
They lay holding each other for what seemed hours. The room was still swimming, and Natalie was content to let him be her anchor. Finally, she looked up at him to see him smiling down at her with tears in his eyes.
Blood tears.
Salt tears.
She wasn't sure which. Maybe both. It was all a fog, a dream. All she wanted to do way lie here with him still inside her.
"We did it, Nat," he whispered in a voice filled with emotion. "Oh God, I love you so much..."
She smiled at him, knowing that she too was crying from the pure joy of it. She reached up to put her arms around his neck, kissing him tenderly.
Pure exhaustion carried them into a blissful sleep.end part 17
(Part 18/18)
She awoke to find him gone, but he entered the bedroom before panic could overtake her. She realized that he must have needed blood after all that had happened. As he slipped back under the sheets, she cuddled against him, loving this sensation of his naked skin against hers.
You're so nice and warm," he commented as he held her against him. "I don't ever want to sleep without you next to me again."
She looked up into his eyes wondering just want kind of an invitation that was. "We might be able to arrange that," she replied mysteriously. Only then did she see that there was something bothering him...something barely perceptible, but she knew it was there. "Nick?" she questioned. "What is it?"
He sighed, playing with her hair. "It's nothing, Nat, I--I don't want to ruin tonight. It can wait."
"Hey, nothing could ruin tonight as far as I'm concerned," she assured him. "Come on. No secrets."
And even as she said that, she knew what it was. Her own guilt had been obscured by her happiness of finally being with him again. Now, it came crashing back.
"Nat, it's just that...when I got up...and I saw all the films we had taken...the pictures..."
"Nick--" she began.
She could see the pain struggling to surface as he finally said, "Natalie, I have to know...Would you really have--would you have let Connor--"
"No," she said definitively, looking deeply into his eyes to ease all doubts. "Nick, I have to tell you something."
The sudden worry that crossed his face frightened her.
"No, Nick, it's nothing bad--"
"As long as you don't tell me that anything happened between you and--"
"Nick, stop it, please. Just listen. I never had any intention of entering that contest. And I certainly was never going to let Tom Connor, or anyone for that matter, see me like that, and take pictures."
Relief washed over his face, but mixed with perplexity. "Then why--?"
"It was all Tracy's idea. She thought we were having trouble because you didn't want to commit to me, and she thought it would make you jealous. I didn't want to go along with it, and when I got to the station that day, I didn't even know that she had already gotten Tom Connor involved until you pulled me into the Interrogation Room."
"But you said you were going to--"
"I tried to tell you the truth. But then, when you said how ridiculous it would be for me to enter, I got angry--"
He was silent for a moment, and she knew that with his perfect memory he was replaying every word of that conversation. Only now, with the anger of that moment gone, he could probably hear it all more clearly than the first time. "I didn't mean to make you feel bad. You took it all the wrong way." Then he corrected himself. "I said it the wrong way--"
She smiled wryly at him. "I know. And my pride got in the way. So I played along. And then, when you pinned Connor up against the wall, I realized that it was all my fault for going along with it. I just didn't know how to tell you it had all been a lie. And then, when you offered to take the pictures..."
He smiled wickedly at her. "You liked the idea."
She blushed. "Okay. I thought that maybe Tracy was right. And I thought that it might be a way to get you to loosen up a little."
He shook his head in disbelief at the whole thing. He had been the butt of what was at worst a cruel joke. But he couldn't argue the results. "Well...I guess it worked."
He was taking it so good-naturedly, but she still felt guilty as hell. "Nick, I'm really sorry. I didn't want to hurt you. "
He breathed deeply. She had hurt him, and she hated herself for it. "I just couldn't stand the thought of him seeing you...maybe even being with you..."
"Don't you know me better than that?"
There was a profound sadness in his eyes as he sighed, "I couldn't expect you to wait forever, Nat."
She caressed his cheek as she said, "Yes, you could. Do you think I could ever love anyone like I love you?" To prove her point she kissed him deeply, lacing her fingers around his neck as he rolled over on top of her.
He looked down at her and shook his head again. "You took such a chance, Nat." He seemed to shudder just considering it. "I might not have been able to control it."
"I knew you could. I believe in you."
His smile was bittersweet. "More than I believe in myself. But then, you always have." He kissed her again, so gently, so tenderly.
"So, does this mean you're not furious at me?" she asked between kisses.
"I think I'm too relieved to be furious. You saved me from having to kill Tom Connor--"
"Nick--" she chided, hoping he was kidding.
Then he added, "Not to mention, now I won't have to hit every newsstand in Toronto buying up every copy of the December issue of Canadian Playboy."
She could imagine him doing it, too. She laughed. "What makes you so sure I would have won?"
He nuzzled at her ear. "Remember, I'm the guy who was looking through the camera."
"So do you forgive me?" she asked, knowing already that he did.
"Nat, how can I be angry when you went to all this trouble just to be with me? And, it worked. You got me over my fear." As if to prove it, his erection began to rub against her. "Besides, I have a confession, too."
She looked at him curiously, although it took a great deal of effort to keep her attention from his growing arousal. "What is it?'
"I lied to you, Nat," he said sheepishly. "I was never a photographer. Before today, I hadn't even held a camera for 75 years or so."
She smiled at him. "I kind of thought so. But I'm sure you did just fine."
"Forgive me?" he asked, gently separating her legs.
"I think so...oooh..." He was teasing her now, the tip of his manhood flirting with her, begging entry. "So, is there anything I can do to make it all up to you?" she asked in an innocent voice.
"Actually there is," he said with a mischievous look in his eyes.
"And what would that be?" she asked, arching up to meet him in anticipation.
"I get to keep the pictures."
Her lips formed a smile that turned into a gasp of pleasure as he plunged into her.
"One condition," she said softly before his lips came down on hers.
"What's that, my love?" he said as he danced slowly inside her.
"I get to keep you right here."
Nick whispered that it was a deal, as his mouth found hers once more.
end