This is my second story. The intesity of the relationship between Lucien and Nicholas binds them and tears them apart. I stayed up most of the night finishing it for you , my sweet unnamed darlings. Read it with all my love. gail (TREKKINN @ aol.com) The opposite of love is not hate. It is a colder place, A place where we forget why we exist. A place where we drag ourselves over broken glass, When all around us loving arms long to carry us over shards that threaten to cut us. The opposite of love is the inability to recognize it when it is lying directly at our feet. By: gail Andrea R. Only By Love Are We Bound Nick walked into the Raven around 3:45 AM, just before closing. Most of the human and vampire clientele had already left. Vachon had some information for Nick about a drug related murder he had witnessed the night before, and he was waiting for Nick at his usual table. Vachon's friendship with Tracy, who was on a long overdue vacation, helped forge a mild friendship between Nick and Vachon. The information he gave Nick would close the case quickly. LaCroix was there tending bar...deep in thought... LaCroix had been put into a constant state of aggravation lately...or perhaps more likely over the last few hundred years...by his only son, and now he could feel Nick approaching the Raven through their link. "What now?" he wondered. His obstinate son had managed to build a wall of mental steel between them, but he couldn't keep his master out completely. LaCroix could always feel his son's approach. He could also feel his needs, desires, dreams, his pleasure and pain...everything. He generally allowed Nick to think he was keeping LaCroix out. He understood Nicholas' need to feel independent , and LaCroix respected and loved him enough to give him his "space," as Nick liked to put it. LaCroix chuckled slightly to himself... "Space indeed." Just enough space for his offpring to hang himself while dealing with these mortals on a daily basis...as he had done so many times in the past...and LaCroix began to remember several occasions. It did not help his mood, and it broke his heart. Spain in the 1500s The Inquisition was at its finest then. His son's clumsy relationship with mortals had brought the Inquisition down onto Nick while he was out on one of his solo excursions into town. Nick had a nasty habit back then of playing cat and mouse with the daylight...making it back to their safe house just as the sun rose. It drove LaCroix insane with worry, which seemed to inspire Nicholas to take bigger and deadlier risks. Nick took chances in grand style that night, sucking his way through half the town, only to be cornered just before sunrise by an angry torch carrying mob. Nick's mental shield couldn't keep LaCroix from feeling his son's panic, and he flew out into the daylight to rescue his beloved son from the religeous zealots. LaCroix covered Nicholas with his long coat to keep the sun off of him, and then went about disposing of the offending mortals nicely, but LaCroix received awful burns that took two painful days and nights to heal. And what was Nicholas' reaction to all this...... Anger at LaCroix for coming to his rescue. He could take care of himself, he had insisted. Sure he could! Another memory he could live without came to mind... Germany in the 1930s...The entire mortal world had gone insane, and what does Nicholas do! ...An hour before daylight Nicholas decides to drink five Nazi officers under the table at some sleazy bar, boasting that they couldn't touch him. The next thing he knows, he's being clubbed on the head... several times for good luck, and then dragged out into the street just as the sun is about to rise. Again LaCroix flew to the scene, racing the rising sun the whole way. He disposes of the mortal trash and flies his offspring out of trouble, barely getting back home in time to avoid being scorched by the sun. "And what do I get," LaCroix is remembering..." a nasty, ungrateful son who doesn't speak to me for three months for not minding my own business." Not forgetting the fact that his son refused to get into bed with him as part of his tortuous behavior. LaCroix new through the unbroken link that Nicholas desperately and passionately wanted him, but his desire to assert his independence and drive LaCroix out of his mind was stronger. And now......the ultimate act. Three weeks ago a mortal lunatic had rampaged through the streets, convinced that he was Robin Hood......dressed in full costume, firing wooden arrows at unsuspecting passerbys, and hitting them.......and Nicholas gave chase down an alley, managing in his haste to be hit squarely in the chest by a well aimed arrow, not two inches from his heart. LaCroix closes his eyes ...remembering.. The pain had torn through the link right into LaCroix's chest like fire. Although Nicholas had kept his mental wall between them as usual, LaCroix had no trouble finding Nicholas within minutes, the link acting like a homing beacon. In a panic, LaCroix flew his son back to his loft, removed the arrow, slashed his own wrist open and fed his now ravenous son, which by the way was an intensely sensuous experience for both of them. LaCroix's soothing hand stroked through the golden curls of his son's head as Nicholas seemed to drift off to sleep. LaCroix was finally able to relax, but not for long. As soon as his son had regained a minor portion of his senses he bolted up accusing LaCroix of interfering with police business, and taking advantage of him when he was down. "How could Nicholas not know how much I love him...fear for him." He thought... as he fought to maintain his self control. LaCroix let the memory of that insult wash over him. Things were going from bad to worse, if that were possible. Nicholas had taken to verbally abusing LaCroix twice in the last two weeks...both times in front of Vachon. Each time accusing LaCroix of... more of the same, and each time LaCroix had backed down, letting Nicholas rage on. It was generally unheard of for a vampire offspring to show such blatant disrespect for his sire, and it was making Vachon very nervous. LaCroix's clenched and bloody fists should have been a warning to Nicholas at the time of each insult, but Nick seemed to be reveling in LaCroix's torment, eager to push his master over some yet undefined precipice. LaCroix suddenly snapped out of his fitful daydream as he watched Nicholas approach Vachon's table, hoping his son would keep his unbridled anger under control. He was wondering still if he could keep himself from finally punishing Nicholas, by giving him exactly what he wanted, if he pushed too far tonight. Nicholas sat down without looking at LaCroix, and Vachon could feel the tension level rise. The last pair of vampires that were still in the bar were far too young to sense the dangerous situation brewing, but Vachon was no longer a fledgling, and he could smell the blood-fued that was about to erupt. He had also sensed some time ago, that the relationship between Nick and the older master was intense and passionate... the knowledge of which he wisely kept to himself. He wished for nothing more than to give Knight the information and retreat out of the Raven before the fists started to fly. Vachon watched the two young vampires leave the Raven, and he just waited... Nick made himself comfortable as he sat down.Vachon's back was to LaCroix, and Nick was facing the bar... LaCroix standing behind it. Vachon quickly gave Nick the information, and he was eager to make a fast getaway. But before Vachon had a chance to stand, Nick shot a look at LaCroix that could have turned a mortal to stone. "What...What is it?" Vachon asked. "Please Nick," Vachon warned, "Don't start." I would like to get out of here in one piece." Nick ignored Vachon and rose to meet LaCroix who was now standing in front of the bar facing Nick. "What is it my son? What have I done now?" "You know old man. I felt you probing my mind, after I told you to STAY OUT!" "I assure you, it was unintentional Nicholas." "Oh shit...he's begging for it" Vachon said under his breath. But LaCroix heard Vachon and simply said..."Yes Vachon, and he is going to get it. But this is between father and son Vachon. You may leave." Vachon gave a respectful nod to the elder vampire and quietly left, but not before noticing LaCroix's clenched fists...traces of blood in his palms from where his own nails had broken the skin. Father and son were alone... Nicholas never saw it coming, as LaCroix finally reached his limit. His open right hand struck the left side of his son's face with enough force to break a mortal's neck. It sent Nick slamming against the wall, momentarily stunning him. He recovered quickly, tasting the blood in his mouth...a mixture of anger, fear, and something else, maybe, yes... hesitation on his face. He did not strike back. LaCroix had a look of desperation on his own face, his eyes flecked gold with emotion. It wasn't over yet. He took his son slowly by the collar, meeting no resistance. LaCroix bent Nicholas face down over the table. Nicholas landed with a thud, a groan escaping from his lips...the impact propelling his arms straight down over his head. He could feel the weight of his master's left hand firmly on his back...and he couldn't believe what came next. The first blow landed hard enough to make Nick cry out, but LaCroix had no mercy. Each blow landed on Nicholas' beautiful round buttocks with enough force to sting and burn. Nicholas lost control and began to cry... but LaCroix continued the spanking. Finally Nicholas screamed out "Please ...father...please STOP," and... LaCroix did stop. "Now you call me father. Now at the end!" Tears were in LaCroix's eyes as he lifted Nicholas off the table by the left arm. Unable to balance himself...Nicholas fell to the floor, landing on his burning rear end. He did not try to meet his master's eyes. He was too ashamed. Blood tears rolled down LaCroix's face, and he took a deep emotional breath...gently lifting his most precious treasure up to meet his eyes. There was one more thing LaCroix had to do. He swept his right hand very gently across his son's sweaty brow... and broke the link...truly and finally. And Nicholas fell to his knees sobbing as the desperate aloneness engulfed him, crushing him completely in its wake. He had not been truly alone for nearly eight centuries. The link had cradled Nicholas over those centuries so gently that he had taken it for granted. He had let it flow around him unnoticed. Every time LaCroix had made love to him the link had raised them far beyond any mortal's dream of love, and he had let it all go. "For what!" Nicholas anguished.."For this?" No physical pain could match the crushing aching loss that he felt. Nicholas looked up at the beauty that was his father, and he saw him for the first time. He had given Nicholas everything that he had... everything that he was, and had asked only for love and trust in return. Nicholas had betrayed LaCroix over and over, and LaCroix had never turned away. Nicholas finally understood. He rose trembling, and Lucien helped him up, allowing Nicholas to lean his weight against his own strong aching body. Nicholas...so sweetly...so humbly... cradled his head against his father...slowly snuggling into the curve between his neck and shoulder. Nicholas tested LaCroix, wondering, "Will he accept my touch... will he ..forgive me?" LaCroix could barely tolerate the loss of the life-line that their link represented...This constant link to this beloved angel that was his son. The feel of Nicholas' head on his shoulder was unbearably sweet. "I'll die without him,"...LaCroix thought. Then Nicholas whispered so softly to LaCroix, so very softly that he had to look at Nicholas' full pleading mouth to see if he was speaking. "Please father, please forgive me...Don't let me go." LaCroix closed his eyes. "Please Lucien...Forbid me to leave you." LaCroix looked deep into his son's eyes. Again he heard the loving words come from his son's lips. "Forbid me to ever leave you again...forbid me to ever hurt you." "Oh Nicholas." LaCroix couldn't stand it. "Please mon Pere..." Nicholas let a tender kiss brush against his master's sweet lips, and LaCroix returned the kiss tenderly. "I do forbid you to ever leave me...to hurt me again mon fils." "I forbid you to ever go."...and he oh -so- gently caressed his son's cool brow, and the link flowed back from Lucien the father, to Nicholas the son...binding them, one to the other, the link once again cradling Nicholas in its eternal embrace. It filled them both, and the tender kiss deepened to a passion sweeping them into a new world created only for them. They made love for days and nights, and they drank from each other, filling themselves over and over with each other's love and desire, until they were one single entity...bound together body and soul. ---My undying love to all of you in the link--- gail